Always, Yours

4 - Boys Will Be Bugs

warnings: a little bit of angst

***

Present Day

***

You sniffled, trying to pretend like you weren't crying as you read Tom's next letter. Part of you was still angry at him for that day, the day you thought changed everything, the day you thought you realized Tom would never like you back. The day you thought that you lost your best friend was probably the worst day of your entire life. You remembered the blood trickling down your face after smacking into a tree. You remembered the tears that you choked on and the sobs that wracked your body. You remembered that even though every piece of you still loved Tom, you also hated him with a fiery resentment. It was dumb of you to get so worked up over, but those train tracks were yours, yours and Tom's. And he destroyed the sanctuary you built in your mind by bringing Harrison there.

Y/N

I'm really sorry about Harrison. I shouldn't have brought him to our train tracks but he and I wanted someplace quiet and safe to smoke. I was still angry at you for kissing him, so maybe in the back of my mind I did it to hurt you. And I realize now that I did hurt you, I just hope it wasn't irreparably so. I know smoking is bad for you, but I wanted to fit in with somebody, with a group of people at my new school. Turns out, you were right, we were all just looking to impress each other, even though all of us hated the taste and feel of cigarettes. So we stopped smoking shortly after you yelled at me about it. You're right, it will totally ruin my singing voice. I'm sorry that I avoided you after that, the two weeks we didn't talk after you said you hated me were the worst two weeks of my entire life. I tried hanging out with Harrison and some of the guys from my new school but it never was the same as hanging out with you. After what happened with Harrison on the train tracks, it didn't feel right to go back, I just hope that eventually we can go back and have picnics and it will be okay again. Not talking to you is the worst thing that I have ever experienced. I promise I'll make it up to you, because you deserve that much, you deserve the world. I just want to give you the world.

Always, Yours

(even though I'm an ass and you should hate me)

-Tom

***

Summer, 2010 - 14 Years Old

You were going to surprise Tom with a picnic, it was the day before grade nine and you were both nervous but excited to go to your new schools. Tom to his private all boys school, you to the local public school. You're holding onto the bright blue lunchbox, yellow sunflowers faded after years of sitting in your cabinet.

You heard Tom talking, his voice echoed along the train tracks. Just as you were about to jump out from behind the trees and surprise him with a picnic, the breeze picked up. You caught a whiff of smoke so you peered out from behind the leafy camouflage. Tom and someone were taking long drags of cigarettes; the smell was foul as you leaned forward to catch a bit of their conversation. You started to feel bad for spying, but you remembered that this is your spot. You and Tom's. And now he's here, smoking with some blond boy, ruining your secret world.

"So, do you, you know, like Y/N?" the blond boy asked.

"Yeah, she's my best friend," Tom sighed, blowing smoke out with each word.

"Not like that, you div, I mean, do you want to shag her?"

Your face scrunched up at the word, it just sounds ridiculous. However, you couldn't help but feel your heart sink at Tom's response.

"No, I uh, don't want to shag her, Haz, gross."

You recognize the boy as Harrison, the boy you made out with at the cast party earlier this month.