The Misses Foo & Cockerill

The Square Root of Banana

"Scorn," Miss Foo said after Miss Cockerill disappeared up the stairs. Miss Foo worked with her brain, not her body; she was far too lumpy to be chasing after anybody, so she let Miss Cockerill do all the running.

She listened to the sounds of Miss Cockerill's heels tapping down the ceiling above her until she couldn't hear them anymore.

"Must have gone outside," she mumbled she hobbled over to the little window that looked out into the year.

She stood on her tippytoes and peered out the window, out from behind the bell of the Snarl and the rhododendron bush. She gasped when she saw what was happening outside. "Delightful," she said. "Oh, just so deliciously delightful. It's more than I could have ever hoped for!" she exclaimed and rubbed her hands together in evil excitement. 

Miss Foo stood in the doorway looking out over the lawn and laughed.

Officer Steve, who had come to investigate a missing person, was in the oak tree flapping his arms and squawking like a bird. Water from a puddle on the sidewalk was dripping up into the sky. And a long stretch of road in front of the Manor had turned a violent shade of purple.

I'm sure that by now you have figured out exactly what happened. And having figured that out, you will know why Miss Foo was laughing.

The Snarl had worked. It had worked better than Miss Foo could have ever expected. Everywhere she looked order crumbled and Chaos took hold. As she watched, the violent purple of the road crept down another block or two and Officer Steve tried eating an acorn. A boy's shadow appeared suddenly out of nowhere and looked excited to be there. Swirls of pure Chaos still eddied around the Manor and down the street. A particularly large swirl hung near Miss Cockerill and Eli.

"Cockerill!" Miss Foo yelled at the woman from the stoop, not daring to go outside. "Weevil!" Miss Cockerill turned her head when she heard her name, but then went right back to munching on the grass. Eli lay still on the lawn, eyes closed.

Miss Foo was unsure exactly what would happen to a person if they were hit with a large cloud of undiluted Chaos. Normally it would have delighted her to find out, but she wasn't finished with her experiments. So she clasped her hands over her ears, held her breath and waddled outside as fast as her chubby legs could take her.

First she grabbed Eli by the collar like he were a kitten and dragged him back into the safety of the Manor. Then she went out again for Miss Cockerill, who was now busy tying Officer Steve's shoelaces together.

"I must be getting sentimental," she muttered to herself as she slammed the door. "Tell me one good reason I should save you from the Chaos?" she asked Miss Cockerill.

But Miss Cockerill didn't say anything. She just puckered up and kissed Miss Foo on the mole on her chin and said, "Bobbity!"

Then Eli moaned and shivered. "But the oatmeal is too tired to go swimming," he mumbled.

"Oh, goodie!" said Miss Foo, "He's not dead! Cockerill, stop licking the walls!" she yelled at the woman who was indeed doing just that.

"What happened?" Eli moaned. "Where am I?" Miss Foo grinned at him–a wide, evil, Foo-ish grin that stretched her mole and made the hairs sticking out of it stand on end. "Nooo..." he groaned then burst out into uncontrollable laughter. When it ceased he moaned "No" again. "No, I got out. I escaped. The square root of banana is Jupiter. You can't do this, you can't, you can't!"

"I can, mister, and I have." She flashed another Foo-ish grin. "And as soon as I repair the Snarl–oh, yes, I will repair it, and I will make it even more powerful–I'm going to put you in the hot seat, as they say. So get ready, my little cherub. Oh, coincidentally, if you try anything, you go right back into the Snarl, broken or not. You wouldn't want that, would you?"