The Misses Foo & Cockerill

Chaos

Miss Foo snatched at Eli before the boy could even take two steps towards his sister.

"Let me go!" he yelled and pounded on her with balled fists.

"At last, the Weevil has arrived!" Miss Foo bellowed. "Just in time to make history. I've never used boy in the Snarl before, I wonder what kind of Chaos you will make!"

Miss Foo wrapped her pudgy arms around Eli's neck, putting him in a headlock, and dragged him towards the Mouth of the Snarl.

"It's just all so deliciously delightful!" she cried amidst the bedlam spreading across the terrace.

Miss Cockerill screamed when they burst onto the terrace.

Next to her Phil-osopher moaned. "Oh, Eris," he puffed mysteriously, collapsed to the floor, and lay there shivering.

The Hall of Trophies had been reborn.

Chaos reigned. On the rooftop a goat was munching on a rose. A saber-toothed tiger wearing spectacles flapped lazily through the night, circling the cupola. But even more surprising was the sky: an entire portion of the night sky had become transparent. It wasn't sky, it wasn't ground, it wasn't anything. It just was. Or more specifically wasn't. It tugged at Miss Cockerill's eyes, like her vision was a river and it was pouring into the emptiness. She felt herself being dragged toward it unwillingly. She took one step towards it, then two. She placed her hands on the railing. She was melting into the nothingness. She stepped up onto the railing.

Then something slammed into her in the head, clawing at her hair and ripping off her tiara. "Boil me alive, will you?!" the parrot squawked, its top hat rocking back and forth on top of its head. "Do you know what it's like to be boiled alive, you hag?!"

Miss Cockerill swatted the bird from her hair and it flew off to complain to the tiger, which was now making noises like a lawnmower that wouldn't crank. Miss Cockerill blinked hard, leapt down from the railing, and looked around.

Above her, from the peak of the cupola, a steady stream of Chaos poured out of the bell. The night sky flashed, honks and screeches rent the air, and the Chaos spewed out, each eruption more random than the previous. The Chaos was born in a big, green cloud and snaked off into the night. Creeping tendrils of mist wove through the cupola and buried themselves in the brick, searching for something to disturb. Chaos took root everywhere, turning black into white and white into smell of boiled eggs.

Miss Cockerill watched Miss Foo drag Eli towards the Mouth of the Snarl. She saw Julie's body shake almost imperceptibly beneath the Chaos Cap; veins on the girl's neck bulged out like she was in intense concentration.

Miss Cockerill saw everything at once, and nothing. There was a great temptation to ignore everything that was happening and simply slip off into the transparency in the sky, leaving it all behind.

Then she noticed something strange.

Well, everything was strange. But this was strange in the way that seeing an old friend in a foreign city would be strange.

"Why, I believe that's my sash," she said, looking up and noticing it tied around the bell. "It is! My good red silk one!" Silk, of course, is one of the strongest materials there is and that is why one little sash was able to support the entire bell. What Miss Cockerill didn't know, however, was that the salesman who had sold her the sash had lied. It wasn't pure silk; it was mixed with polyester. And it was in fact the same sash that Miss Foo had used to dab the Stranglervine venom off Eli's back. And while silk might have neutralized the venom, polyester did not, and the venom had eaten away nearly half of the sash. And that's why, as Miss Cockerill watched, a small tear ripped up its side.

That was the last straw for Miss Cockerill.

"Tee-hee," she said very, very quietly. Amidst the racket of the Chaos nobody heard her. All of the color drained from her face and her fingers straightened. The points of her hair quivered. "That," she began dangerously, "was my favorite sash."

"FOO!" she yelled.

And like a thunderbolt she sprung.

#

Miss Foo looked up and noticed Miss Cockerill for the first time as the woman sprang. Thinking quickly, Miss Foo dropped her hold on Eli and stepped neatly aside. Miss Cockerill hurtled past, no more capable of stopping herself than could a locomotive at full steam. She went plowing headlong into Eli, knocking them both against the railing on the far side of the terrace.

Miss Foo grinned maliciously. She reached into a pile of junk and lifted out an ax.

"You know, Cockerill," she said, weighing the ax as Miss Cockerill struggled to her feet, "I've had about enough of your idiocy. I don't need you anymore."

And Miss Foo reached back and hurled the ax.

That's when the polyester-silk sash ripped through completely and the bell swung free, pouring pure Chaos over the terrace.

The ax flew through the Chaos cloud, metamorphasized into a water balloon, and struck Miss Cockerill directly in the chest, soaking through her already-stained dress.

The Chaos cloud poured out of the bell over Miss Foo, enveloping her and curling out over the floor of the terrace.

Eli did not need to watch to know that Miss Foo was gone. Nothing and no one could withstand that much Chaos. He shuddered to think what had become of her–the Chaos probably turned her into the smell of rotten eggs–but he didn't have long to think as the mist swirled inkily closer to him.

It billowed ever outward and upward, growing, piling upon itself in mountains of asparagus-colored clouds. Eli could hardly see the Snarl anymore; the cloud covered most of it. Where was his sister?!

"Julie!" he yelled, skirting the cloud, searching for a way to her. He bobbed and weaved, using everything he ever learned in his adventure books to avoid the Chaos, dancing through the cloud, finally reaching his sister and unbuckling her from the Chaos Cap.

She collapsed into his arms, still shaking silently.

Eli looked up, waiting for the machine and the Chaos to stop. He held Julie tighter. The filter was gone; the machine should stop!

But it did not.

Quickly, Eli dragged his sister into a corner to where Miss Cockerill was standing over the limp body of Phil-osopher and screaming, "Don't let it touch us! It smells bad!"

Eli looked around desperately. Little room remained safe as Chaos cloaked the terrace. Like a noxious gas it filled every corner, every crack, and it began to wind its way downstairs and towards the ballroom and the townspeople below.

Eli knew what he must do. If was now or never–there was no time anymore for ducking or weaving. He took a deep breath, straightened his hat and goggles, and sprinted through the Chaos cloud to the Snarl. A wisp of Chaos tugged at his hand and Eli found that he was suddenly holding a tiny potted plant. He didn't stop to wonder as another wisp licked at his knees; Eli felt them suddenly grow strong, like they had never been before in his life. With a new confidence, Eli leapt over the Chaos snaking around the bottom of the Snarl. He leapt for Julie. He leapt for Officer Steve and Ed and all the townspeople below. He leapt for Miss Cockerill. Eli leapt and banged mid-leap smack dab into the middle of Miss Foo's chest.