The Astronomer and The Florist

Flowers and Fuck You's

It was quite a loud day in May, cars were honking, doors were being slammed shut, and Logan was yelling at Roman through his phone.

"I just can't comprehend the gall of that... that... COTTON HEADED NINNY MUFFIN!" "Woah now Logan," Roman said, trying not to let his amusement show in his voice, "you kiss your mother with that mouth?" "Of course Roman, what else would I kiss my mother with?" Logan grumbled.

Roman rolled his eyes, forgetting that his friend can't see him. "Nevermind. What are you wanting to do? You can't exactly trash talk your boss's nephew to him and not expect consequences, especially at a party with all of your colleagues watching."

Logan thought for a moment. Roman did have a point, and he knew that Roman was speaking from experience. "Well, I certainly wouldn't want to make a scene, but maybe I can do something subtlety." Logan went silent for a minute, then a thought came to him.

"Hey Roman, didn't you say that your boyfriend is a floral vendor?" "Yeah," Roman says, slightly confused, "Patton owns a flower shop just off Main Street, why?" Logan inserted the directions into google maps while still talking to Roman. "I've been learning a bit about the language of flora. So I am now going to give Michael a bouquet that tells him how incompetent I think he is, without directly telling him."

Roman laughed, strangely proud of his friend. "Okay, call me back after you have gotten your hate bouquet." Logan rolled his eyes, agreed to do just that, and hung up with Roman, walking over to the brightly colored building. The sign on the door indicated that the shop was still open for a few hours, so Logan slipped in.

The bell over the door rang, alerting the quiet, empty shop to a new customer. Logan walked over to a curly blonde man standing in front of the counter. The man smiled at Logan, and held out his hand.

"Hi! You must be Logan! Roman had just texted me that you would be stopping by. It is nice to meet you, Roman has said a lot about you! All good things, all good things!" The bubbly blond that could only be Patton rambled. Logan smiled softly, shaking Patton's hand.

"Salutation. You are correct, I am Logan. Roman has spoken of you quite fondly as well." Patton smiled even wider, if that was possible. "So Logan, what can I do for you?" Logan clasped his hands in front of him, and looked Patton dead in the eye. "I require a bouquet that will tell my boss's nephew just how much of an imbecile and simpleton I find him."

Patton's smile dropped a bit, and he started fiddling with the straps on his apron. "I don't know much about nonpositive flower language, but my friend Virgil is in the back, and I think he could help you. Would you like me to go get him?" Logan nodded, and Patton headed to the back to get Virgil.

Logan felt his phone buzz, and he took it out of his pocket to see who had texted him.      ROMAN: Make sure u ask how 2 passive-aggressively say f u in flower XDLogan rolled his eyes at his friend's awful grammar. He pocketed his phone, and looked up just in time to see Patton coming towards him with another male. The male had a purple shirt on under his black apron, and swept his hair out of his eyes when he caught Logan's gaze. "Logan," Patton said, "this is Virgil, he should be able to help you with your request." Virgil gave Logan a two-fingered salute. "Sup Logan? So, what is this strange request?"

Logan thought of Roman text and decided to try it out. "I need to know who to passive-aggressively say fuck you in flowers." Patton blanched. Virgil froze for a moment, and then bust out laughing. Logan suddenly remembered that he is, in fact, very gay.

"Patton, can you go finish up the displays I was working on in the back? I definitely have this one." Virgil said, still slightly laughing. Patton grinned, still slightly shocked at Virgil laughing in front of a stranger, and nodded. "No problem Virge."

Virgil then looked at Logan, and took in his appearance. Virgil doesn't typically like people in button down shirts and a tie, but he has to admit that Logan fills everything nicely, and makes his gay heart flutter. "So," Virgil says, trying to stop his thoughts, "may I ask why you require such an insulting bouquet?"

Logan grimaced. "My boss passed me up for a promotion in favor of a person three years my junior, with far less knowledge, simply because the person is the boss's nephew." Virgil offered a look of sympathy. "Man, that sucks. What do you do?" "I am an astronomer at the conservatory."

Virgil smiled. "That's awesome Logan! I love the sky. I used to go stargazing all the time, but I haven't been able to lately." Logan lit up. "The sky is simply fascinating! You should definitely attempt to go stargazing again. I myself go to the Mind Palace Meadow with my telescope Saturday every other week." "Mind Palace Meadow, huh?" Virgil asked. "I've never been out there. I'll have to go sometime. Anyways, would you like to start on your bouquet?"

Logan blushed, still wanting to talk to Virgil about stargazing, but nodded. "What type of flowers do you have in mind?" Logan asked. "The more depreciating, the better." Virgil smirked. "Oh, I definitely have a few ideas, come with me."

Logan followed Virgil to the counter. Virgil took out a notebook and a pen. "Okay, so when do you need the bouquet by?" "The party is on Friday, so preferably Friday at 6." Logan responded. "Alright, that gives me three days to put everything together. I'm thinking geraniums, because they mean stupidity..." "A lot of those," Logan mumbled.

Virgil just let out a short huff of a laugh, and nodded. "So definitely geraniums then. There are also foxgloves for insincerity, meadowsweets for uselessness, yellow carnations for disappointment, and orange lilies for hatred. How does all that sound?"

Logan nodded and smiled. "It sounds perfect. How much will I owe you?" Virgil did some calculations and told Logan the amount. Logan nodded, deciding that the price was reasonable. "Thank you so much, Virgil. I truly appreciate it." Virgil blushed at Logan's serenity. "It's no problem Logan, but may I offer you some advice?" Once Logan nodded curiously, Virgil continued. "You seem like you are very good at what you do, and you seem really passionate about it too. I wouldn't let people who don't appreciate you take advantage of you."

Logan smiled, and thanked Virgil. "I will definitely take that into consideration. Thank you Virgil, you are a very good person." Virgil blushed, looking at his notebook, and decided to take a risk. "Can I have your number?" Logan had an internal gay panic, because 'OH MY GOSH! THIS ATTRACTIVE MALE JUST ASKED FOR MY NUMBER!!!' Virgil misread Logan's slightly panicked expression, and freaked.

"You don't have to of course! It would just help with the bouquet and if anything changes! I could give it to Patton so that you don't have to talk to me-" Logan held up his hand to shush Virgil.

"I would like to give you my number Virgil," Logan said, making sure to enunciate the 'you' so that there were no misunderstandings. "I have no problem with updates on the bouquet. And maybe..." Logan took a deep breath, handing Virgil the card with his number on it while looking deep into Virgis eyes. "Maybe we could talk more about stargazing or something."

Virgil blushed even more, and looked down at the card in an attempt to hide his smile. "I would like that." Logan nodded, smiling and relieved. "Well, text me later then," Logan said as he left. As soon as the door closed, Virgil turned and ran into the back room. Virgil ran up to Patton, and Patton looked at Virgil while smiling. "You were eavesdropping, right?" Virgil asked.

Patton looked a little sheepish, and then nodded. "So, was I right? He is your type right?" Virgil nodded, then thrust the card at Patton. "He is so my type, and I got his number!" Virgil squeaked while Patton hugged him.----------------------------------------------------Logan walks out of the flower shop, smiling. He walks to the stop sign, takes out his phone, and opens the texting app.     LOGAN: Roman, everything went great, I have the bouquet order placed.    ROMAN: Thats gr8! All good now?    LOGAN: Yes. I also may have flirted with Patton's very attractive coworker and then gave him my number before leaving.    ROMAN:!!!    ROMAN: WHY DON'T YOU LEAD WITH THAT SHIT?!?!?    ROMAN: TELL ME EVERYTHING!!!    Logan started walking home, smiling while he answered Roman's phone call.