Microcosms of You

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He never should have answered her call. Or picked up his phone, for that matter.

As soon as he did, her voice poured out from the speakers— her sweet, heavenly voice—asking him if he was free in the afternoon. And like a fool, he said he wasn't and that he would be there. Like a fool, he had the balls to think she would want to get back together with him.

Which he knew wasn't the case. He figured she had moved on pretty well at this point. Moreover, the mixed feelings about her isn't going to fade anytime soon. He made himself remember that anything and everything between them is over.

She was a free-spirit, always going on to travels, meeting new friends, speaking some strange tongue she learned over the summer. He was more of a laid-back kind, enjoying a cool evening in his sofa while watching Netflix, eating a pack of local chips from the nearest 7-11. They were a power couple, their college friends would say. A perfect match.

But he didn't get her most of the time,with her being so crazy and him so passive, so he decided to cut it loose—cut them loose. He was young, foolish and definitely crass about her feelings. Sure, he regretted everything he had done that night, but that didn't erase the fact that he was still afraid.

Yes, he was afraid.

He feared that he was holding her back, like that time she was scheduled to leave for Coron but had to cancel because his graduation date suddenly moved. She told him that it was fine, she had the money to fly back some time and that she should be there for his graduation as he was in hers. It was a momentous time of our lives, I can't miss yours, she had assured him back then.

But even when she didn't mean to show it, he saw it. There were times where she would frown while looking at her friends' Instagram posts. After all, they had been to Coron without her. She sometimes lashed out at him, without meaning to, that she could have been places if it wasn't for him. She apologized every time, claiming it was just the stress and fatigue talking, but even then, he knew. He knew that she was dying for adventure and his killjoy attitude straps her to the ground. He knew without even confirming with her that she wanted him to be like her and he knew that he can't.

So he ended it. Their five-year relationship, the one that blossomed ever since they entered university, dissipated as if it was never been there.

Go and get that life you wanted, he told her before he turned and left her in that busy streets of Bonifacio Global Center.

He didn't see her cup her hands against her mouth, trying to stifle the sob that wanted to escape. He didn't see her sink onto the hard stone floor, hands clutched against her chest to keep them from shaking. He didn't see her push open the door to the nearest bar and spend the rest of the night drinking by herself. He didn't see her stumble back to her apartment, half-drunk, half-crazy, screaming at anyone about how unfair it is. And he didn't see her pick up the pieces of her life together until she could live without him.

He didn't see any of that. But he knew. He knew how strong she is, how wonderful. He knew she would chase her dreams more than his love for her. He knew that she would be able to live life to the full without him.

After the call, however, he began thinking about all of it over again. Was it the right decision? What happened to her after he left? Did he even love her to begin with? What was her motive of calling him again?

Fear crept into his heart. He forced himself to gulp down a glass of water his secretary put on his desk a little while ago. Checking his phone, he adjusted his tie against his neck. He began sweating, for some reason, even against the hurricane-like blasts of the newly-installed air conditioners in his division. He had to do something, though, and he was sure it's not going to be an easy afternoon.