Together

Chapter 9

September 4th 2017

I hate hospitals. Always have, always will.  At least I'm only here because of my concussion and broken nose. It could be worse. Robbie got lucky. He only has a few bruises on his side. We should be home by tomorrow morning.

Why would Robbie do that? Why would he let me walk straight into what was quite obviously a trap? Why didn't he call for help faster? Why?

"Hey," No. He just sat and watched as I got beat up by my team.
"Please talk to me,"  why would I?
"I'm sorry," is that supposed to magically fix this?
"I shouldn't have let you go," I don't care about what you have to say.
"I should have tried harder," you didn't try at all.
"I need you," I needed you when the people I've been playing basketball with for the last 3 years were beating the shit out of me.
I just roll over, facing away from him.
"I can't live without you,"

September 5th 2017

He still won't talk to me after yesterday. We got sent back home and he hasn't said a word to me. He was talking to the nurse, he was talking to dad, he was talking to his other friends on the phone. He's just not talking to me. I don't know what to do. I'm not me if I don't have him. If I can't talk to him anymore then I can't live anymore.

"Please, Kosta!" I'm knocking on his bedroom door for the eighth time today.
"I'm sorry,"
"For what?" Holy fucking shit. This is the first word he's said to me.
"Everything,"
"You mean how you told me to come out to my homophobic parents and then let me get beat up by my friends? Leave me alone,"
"I'm sorry," I manage to say between sobs.
Silence.
I ruined his life. One piece at a time. What kind of boyfriend does that? What kind of person does that? I can't fix all of the horrible things I've done to him. Why am I like this? Why am I even here anymore?

[TANNER'S POV]
Here I am, sitting in the principals office, being asked dumb questions about yesterday.
"Did you attack Kosta McNiel and Robbie Blockett yesterday?"
"Yeah,"
"Did Joe Stevens and Andrew Demuro accompany you?"
"Yep,"
"Did you have a reason to attack them?"
"They were violating my religious beliefs,"
"How so?"
"They are homosexuals, I am Christian,"
"Ah, understood, you will receive a three day suspension,"
"Cool,"
"You are excused,"
I'm honestly surprised that the fucker fell for it, I'm Jewish.

September 12th 2017

I'm back at school now and I'm mostly back to my normal self. No more yelling at Robbie for encouraging me to make the worst decisions of my life, instead I've just been ignoring him. If he wants to talk he can wait until I've actually forgiven him.
"Hey,"
Speak of the devil.
I'm not gonna answer him, I don't know how long it'll be until I can.
"Please say something,"
"You want me to say something? I HATE YOU!"
Okay, that was a bit harsh, but it's at least half true.
He just runs away crying. He's been crying a lot lately. Lots of moping and hiding behind big hoodies. I haven't seen him without a big hoodie with the hood up and the sleeves pulled over his hands in almost a week, it's been weird, but then again, so has everything else right now.
 
October 2nd 2017 1:00pm

Fuck it. 
Everyone else is going back to class while I'm rummaging through my bag to find two things: a yellow envelope containing letters that I wrote last night, and a wad of paper towel with a razor blade wrapped up inside. I'm done with this.
Kosta hasn't said a word to me in forever, the last thing he ever said was that he hates me. That'll be the last thing he ever says to me.  He hasn't said the words to me yet, but I know he's no longer my boyfriend. I've been hiding in my room for too long and now here I am, sitting on the floor of the boys bathroom with a shiny blade reflecting in my trembling hands as my blood drips on to the cold floor.