"Where You Are"

Prologue Part 2

"You got this Ava, you got this Ava, you got this Ava," I kept saying over and over to myself. I sat in the meeting room, where I was to meet the producers for this action movie that could be my make or break in Hollywood. I wanted people to finally take me seriously in this industry and being in a big movie, opposite Evan Cooper could be the break that could put me in the A-list Actress category.

My name is Ava St. James. And I have been an actress in Hollywood for the past seven years. I started in commercials and modeling gigs, before getting a supporting role on a teen soap opera, although I was nowhere near the age of a teenager. After that, I wanted to get into movies, so I've had a few bit parts and supporting roles in films, which was enough to get me recognized and talked about in social media for my looks. But it wasn't enough to get me taken as a serious actress. Hell, I wanted to be known more than just a "baddie with a body", as they said on my pictures on the 'Gram or whatever. I want to go onstage and win an Oscar. I had been practicing my acceptance speech ever since I was kid. It was a way to escape my fucked-up childhood. You see, my mom abandoned me as a baby. I think as a white woman, she couldn't stomach raising a little girl that came from a black man. Well that, in addition to her alleged drug and alcohol addiction.

I ended up in the foster system, and I seen and experienced things that a child never should have to experience. But it happened, and I moved in with a dude almost twice my age at the age of 16 to escape the system. He ended up being horrible to me, but the one thing I could give him credit for was his urging to get into modeling. He said I had the looks to pull in some serious cash and he drove me to modeling agencies, until a small one in Santa Monica believed in my ambiguous, yet ethnic look. I soon got some commercial and modeling gigs and saved enough money to leave that svengali relationship and move into a little studio in the heart of Los Angeles. From there, I started doing acting.

To keep myself relevant, my agent suggested I get "linked" with some of the industry's so called "finest" to get my name out there; so thanks to my good looks, I dated my share of athletes and musicians. None of the relationships lasted however. They all told me the same thing: that I was "good in bed, but fucked up in the head" and slowly, I think I had gained a reputation in tabloids and on social media for not being "wifey material".

It's not my fault that these athletes and musicians couldn't keep their dicks in their pants. It's not my fault I had to tail their every move, and record all their steps. It never failed- I would catch them cheat, and I would go ballistic on them. Destroying their things, keying their cars, threatening and beating up their little, sad pathetic side hoes. They all called me beautiful, but crazy. That I needed helped. And I laughed in their faces for saying it all.

The accusations got so bad that my agent recommended me to go to counseling. I was reluctant at first, but I complied. It was hard bringing up the demons of my childhood to a complete stranger, but I tried. I really, really did.

Bi-Polar. Anxiety. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is what I was told that I have. And I was given medicine for it all. I stopped taking the shit after a week. It made me hallucinate and feel all weird.

I was fine. I didn't need drugs, nor counseling to see me through. I just needed to be taken seriously. I was getting older and life wasn't gonna be any easier. And I know that will come when I become a sought-after actress. It will come also when I find true love from a man who sees Ava for who she is and not just her body.

So, I have decided to take a "man diet" for the past six months and focus on my reputation and craft. And it was finally paying off with this audition.

"Ah, Ava St. James. So nice to meet you," said Liam Weiss, the producer of the film, snapping me out of my nervous daze.

"Thank you for having me Mr. Weiss," I said in my signature slightly raspy voice. "Oh please, Mr. Weiss is my dad. Just call me Liam!" we laughed, and I slightly relaxed because of his laid-back nature. He went over the role, which would be a "kick ass, bond girl type" named Nicolette in an action film. Evan Cooper would be playing the secret agent who had to solve a crazy scheme in a certain amount of time and I was on his team to get the job done. The movie was expected to be a summer Blockbuster and millions of eyeballs could be slated to see me if I got this role!

He had me read a few lines, and I pushed all my nerves aside and recited them in the best action dominatrix way possible. One thing I could do is put my emotions to the side, and let one emotion dominate, which is essential for acting. It came in handy in my life and hopefully it was handy at this crucial moment.

"Hmm not bad. Not bad at all," Liam looked to his counterparts of the movie production team and they nodded. "I- I can do it however you want me to Mr. Weiss, I mean Liam. I- I just really really want this role." I poured my heart out.

Liam looked thoughtful and had me do a couple more lines, this time closing his eyes. After I was done, he opened his eyes and sized me up and down. I wore a slightly cropped shirt, showing a peak at my abs, along with designer ripped jeans that hugged my "Instafamous" curves and pumps. Shit, I should have worn a dress! Am I too casual? I fussed to myself, as I smoothed down my long dark locs and blouse. "I mean, you definitely have the look for Nicolette. As she is a very attractive, yet sophisticated woman." Liam began. "I'll be honest with you... I've heard some things about you."

"Like what?" my heart thumping out of my chest. Shit, what did he read?

"Like you can be moody and difficult sometimes and I've heard some of your off-camera antics..." he began.

"I was young and stupid. I didn't appreciate what I have in front of me as far as taking the one thing that I love seriously. Now I do, and I promise you that I can fulfill this role in everyway you possibly need me to." I pleaded, as I tried not to tremble. Liam looked at his team and he shrugged. "I believe you Ava, but give us some time to think about it okay?"

My heart sank. "Okay."

I shook Liam and his team's hands and walked out with my head held high and a smile in my face. I held that all the way to my car and broke into tears, hitting my steering wheel for good measure; Immediately after, I headed to the nearest liquor store. I knew my reputation ruined my chance and my world was ruined. I just wanted to go home, slit my wrist, drink and cry.

(The next day)

"Ava guess what?!" my agent Sarah Hicks called me excitedly. "Huh?" I asked. "Are you hungover?" she asked with concerned. I quickly sat up and cleared my throat. I had promised Sarah that I would get my drinking under control in exchange for her to find better acting gigs for me. The last thing I needed her to know is that I had been drinking in my sorrows half the night "Um no, I was just napping. What were you gonna tell me?"

"So I just heard back from Liam Weiss... and HE WANTS TO OFFER YOU THE ROLE OF NICOLETTE!!"

I stood up, kicking beer bottles over. "You shittin' me right?"

"I'm not, you got the role opposite Evan Cooper, Ava. Congratulations! This is going to be a huge stepping- stone for you in your career if you play your cards right!"

"AHHHHHHHHHH!!" I yelled, doing a dance around my living room. I am SO glad I didn't slit my wrist like I planned. "Sarah, I could cry! What was the feedback?!!"

"Liam just said that you were very convincing with your lines. As well as being convincing with being on your best behavior during this movie. You need to understand Ava. Roles like this don't come everyday, so be disciplined and ready to work."

Bitch, I don't need your advice. I got a handle on myself, I wanted to say. But instead I kept it cute "Don't worry Sarah, I will be 100% professional in every way possible. Thank you so much for helping me get this audition!" I couldn't stop smiling.

"Hey, I got you to the water. You had to drink" she responded.

As she went over logistics, I wanted to pinch myself. I finally would have the opportunity to prove myself to not only the public, but to Liam and to my future co-star Evan that I had the real acting chops.

Absolutely nothing or no one would hold me back. I'll make damn sure of it.