Disconnected - 5SOS AU

118. You've Ruined Me

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Calum's POV

"Hey man, what are you doing out here so early?  Don't you have a beautiful girlfriend you're supposed to be in bed with right now?" I asked my best friend.  It was a brisk morning and he was standing out against the railing on the front porch, his hand clasped around a pink, glittery mug of coffee that said 'Daddy's Little Princess' and he was holding onto it as if it was a matter of life or death.  It was damn near impossible to take him seriously holding that thing.  I already knew the problem before I even asked, though.  It was our last day here at Katie's family's cabin, and that meant he was going to have to say goodbye to her today.  Again.  And he looked like he was taking that pretty hard.

"Oh, uh, yeah.  I just – I couldn't sleep, so I came down here.  I didn't wake you on my way out of Katie's room, did I?" he asked.

"Nah, I got up early to get a run in before starting the day.  Care to join me?  It might take your mind off of some things" I asked.

He just shook his head and took a sip of the steaming hot liquid, breathing it in deep like it was going straight to his veins.  "No.  Thanks, mate, but I'm going to hang out here with her as much as I can today" he said.

I nodded and finished tying my shoe laces and step down off the porch when he spoke again.  "It never gets any easier" he said.

I stopped to turn around and face him.  "No" I confirmed, knowing firsthand how he feels, because I've felt it myself with Rose.

"It's like ripping open a scar, and then expecting it not to scab over and hurt all over again" he continued.

"Do you want me to stay?  I can stay with you..." I offered.  "I haven't run the whole time we've been here, one more day off won't kill me."

"I just – I hate feeling like this every time.  Like – the dread of knowing I have to leave her again always makes me stress over it and I don't usually have a chance to enjoy the moments I do get to spend with her, because I'm too busy obsessing over having to say goodbye to her over and over and over again" he said.

"It's all you can do right now, mate.  I mean, she's already made it crystal clear, and she's not the kind of girl who's easily swayed.  She sticks to her guns and she means what she says.  She's not going to be just one of those girls who would drop everything and come on tour with you.  She's got Zac to think about, you know that" I tried to explain, but he shook his head.

"I just wish she would realize that she wouldn't be a bother.  They could never be a bother to me" he said.

"Uh, a year ago that would've been a deal breaker for you.  Single mom, young kid...  There's no way" I reminded him.

"And if it were anyone else I'd still be that way.  But I just can't seem to get close enough to her, no matter how close we are, she always feels a million miles away – and it's nothing she's doing wrong, it's just insane how much I miss her when she isn't with me" he said.

I nodded and sighed.  "I don't have the answers you seek, my friend, but I can offer you a little bit of advice if you'd like?"

"Yeah?  What's that?" he asked.

"Stop moping around crying about how much you're going to miss her until after you've already left.  You need to be spending this time with her, even if you are just lying in bed, holding her in your arms.  At least then you'll still have her while you're with her" I pointed out, and he nodded, but he didn't budge.

"Have – have you ever thought about the future?" he asked.

"Of course I have, what do you mean?  For the band?" I asked in confusion.