I Want To Love You

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen

Two hours after Itachi’s visit, Sasuke snapped out of his shocked trance. He felt the sadness threatening to overtake him, so to counter it, he focused on how angry he was. How angry he was at Deidara, and Naruto, and his brother. But most of all, how mad he was at himself. How could I be so blind? He thought as he threw whatever he could reach. He cursed himself for not having more possessions to break, there wasn’t much to break other than the new t.v. Itachi bought and the stand it came with, and throwing the few pillows that usually laid untouched on his couch didn’t help relieve his anger. I should’ve known he’d never love me - no one would. Hell, I don’t even love myself… he thought. He took a deep breath and tried to calm himself, then reached in his pocket for his phone. He would’ve broken it by now, but he knew he couldn’t afford a new one. Deidara texted back about ten minutes ago, telling him he would be over soon. He should be here any minute. Sasuke wasn’t sure who he was the most mad at. He thought about it a lot over the past few hours, and he decided it would probably be Deidara. Naruto was new to his life and has no idea about the struggles he has. Of course he was hurt about the cheating, but out of everything it was the least hurtful. At least at this moment.

Deidara though, knew everything about Sasuke. He had known everything - even the things Sasuke didn’t. And he left him to deal with everything on his own - just as his brother had. He sat down, resting his head in his hands. Why me? What did I do to deserve this? I just want to be happy… he thought. He tried to clear his mind and calm himself, but before he had the chance, he heard his apartment door open. The sound of snow-covered shoes being taken off filled the silence, then a pause, and then bare footsteps toward the living room. Deidara appeared moments later, and he smiled, “What’s up, Sasuke?” and the moment Sasuke laid eyes on Deidara, his somewhat calm exterior broke. Instead of the anger he had focused hard to maintain, tears pricked at his eyes. In front of him stood his best friend, and yet it was also the person who had betrayed and hurt him just as much as his brother had. Deidara standing there smiling almost seemed to mock Sasuke, to say ‘All I’ve done is lie to your face.’

Deidara frowned, confused by Sasuke’s silence and the pained look on his face, “Hey, is everything okay?” Sasuke stood up, and Deidara walked towards him, attempting to pull him into an embrace, but Sasuke pushed him away and angrily spat, “Fuck you,” as silent tears fell from his eyes. Deidara’s eyes widened, “W-What?” Sasuke shook his head in disbelief, “I-I can’t fucking believe you. I thought you were my best friend Dei… How could you lie to me? How could you hurt me like this?” Deidara stared at Sasuke, and then it all clicked. “Itachi…” he whispered aloud. “So it’s true then. All of it. God damnit, Dei!” Sasuke yelled, kicking the broken t.v. that laid on the floor. “What did he say to you?” Deidara demanded, growing angry. How the fuck could Itachi do this? Come here and ruin everything? Deidara thought. “You knew everything. My parents, Itachi’s disappearance. Everything.” Sasuke answered. He didn’t even want to look at Deidara anymore. His tears had disappeared and he just wanted Deidara to get out of his house and out of his life and never come back. “That was the past, Sasuke. You have to understand… I didn’t know what to say…” Deidara said. Sasuke shook his head, “I don’t want your meaningless excuses. You held me while I cried about my parents, and about Itachi disappearing. You watched me break, the least you could’ve done was be truthful to me. Don’t you think I deserved the truth about my family? You fucking knew while you watched me cry…”

“Why are you taking it all out on me? What about Itachi? He’s the one who killed your parents, not me.” Deidara yelled. He felt guilty, but he also wasn’t the only one guilty. “I know that now - no thanks to you. It doesn’t change anything, you could’ve told me. That isn’t even all of it. You knew… You knew about Naruto too. That isn’t near as bad as knowing about the past, but you couldn’t even tell me that!” Sasuke spat. Deidara shook his head, “I just… I didn’t want to see you sad. I thought it would break you even more…”