I Want To Love You

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Sixteen

Deidara sat up, wiping away the tears that had already started forming. He didn't know how much he had cried in the last week, ever since Sasori left he just couldn't stop. He knew he should have been grateful for having Sasori, he should have been happy. Deidara stood up, peeling his sweat-filled shirt off. He couldn't remember the last time he took a shower, hell he couldn't remember the last time he left his house, and after running a hand through his greasy hair he knew he needed to take a shower. After stripping away the rest of his clothes, he got in the warm shower. He sighed, resting his forehead against the cold shower wall. He let the warm water pour over his back, resisting the tears that threatened to spill. He tried to think of anything but Sasori, and of course his thoughts wondered to Sasuke. I wonder what he's doing. I wonder if he's okay, he thought. I wonder if he misses me… His thoughts slowly wandered toward Naruto. He wondered what happened to that blonde haired boy, he hadn't seen him since that night they argued about Sasuke. Maybe he gave up on Sasuke he thought, Maybe I gave up on Sasuke… Had he given up on Sasuke? He stopped trying to contact him months ago, but it wasn't like texting him and banging on his door was changing anything.

Deidara poured some shampoo into his hands and washed his hair. He felt a lot better now that he was finally cleaning himself up, and he realized he really needed to stop moping around. It was easier said than done, he couldn't just pretend everything was okay. He finished his shower then quickly got dressed. His stomach growled loudly, he hadn't ate much lately at all. He opened all the cabinents in the kitchen along with his fridge only to reveal that everything was empty. Well, except for maybe the odd ends of the loaf of bread, some peanut butter, and expired milk. Sasori forced him to eat and bought him groceries, and now that he was gone, Deidara neither ate nor went grocery shopping. He grabbed his keys off the counter and briefly wondered if his car even worked since he hadn't used it in ages. He took a deep breath, facing the outside world felt like a huge challenge at the moment, and then opened the door.

Just as he was about to step outside, he noticed someone blocking his path. "N-Naruto?" He stammered. What in the world was he doing here out of all people? he wondered. "Listen, if you want to know how Sasuke is, I have no idea." Deidara said, ignoring the stinging feeling in his throat. Naruto looked at the ground and ran a hand through his hair. "Actually, that's not really why I'm here. Do you think we could talk?" Naruto said nervously. Deidara raised an eyebrow, "Um… sure." He said, stepping away from the door to let him in. "Do you have anything to drink?" Naruto asked, walking into the kitchen and opening the fridge door. "I don't…" Deidara answered and Naruto furrowed his brows, examining the empty fridge. Deidara motioned for Naruto to take a seat next to him on the couch. The blonde sat down and turned to face Deidara. "I'm sorry I came here unannounced and all, but I needed someone to talk to." Deidara slowly shook his head, not knowing where Naruto was going with this.

"I know we might not be close friends, and I know everything is really screwed up right now - at least for me it is - but I really feel like I can trust you." Naruto continued. Deidara sighed, "Okay, just spit it out." Naruto nodded, "Well, I went to Sasuke's apartment about a week ago, and I don't know I'm worried about him. We barely talk, probably because neither of us wants to mention the past. Well, you know that journal I bought him? I know this is wrong but when he was gone I read through it. I guess I wanted answers and somehow I knew he wouldn't tell me. I know you know what happened all those months ago… I just…" Naruto trailed off, he was choking back tears.

"I'm so worried. He won't talk to me and well, ever since I got to his house he's been wearing long sleeves. I mean he's normally cold all the time so I didn't think anything about it, even though it's the middle of June. The other night though, he rolled up one of his sleeves for a second and I… I saw cuts along his arm. None of them looked fresh, but there were plenty of scars and some were healing." Naruto said, and paused, waiting for Deidara's reply. Many thoughts were racing through Deidara's head, but his main concern was, "What do you want me to do about it? I tried to be there for him Naruto, but he didn't want me there. He obviously forgave you, but I highly doubt he ever wants to see my face again."

Naruto shook his head, "He didn't want anything to do with me either, but I think he realized how much he really needs us. I'm not enough for him, I know he needs you too…" Deidara stood up, "Even if he did, it doesn't matter. It's too late. Everything in my life is destroyed. I lost my job, I lost my friendship with Sasuke, and to top it all off I lost the one person who loved me and was there for me through all of this." Deidara said, tears rolling down his face. He kicked the wall next to the couch, "Sasori fucking left me too. I'm worthless. I couldn't be there for my best friend, and I pushed away the one person who loved me!" He yelled. Naruto looked at Deidara with sad eyes, he didn't know if everything could go back to how it was before. He didn't know if Sasuke would ever be the same, if he would ever be the same, and it seemed as if Deidara would never be the same. Naruto stood up, "Listen, I'm sorry. Just think about it okay?" he said. He gave Deidara one last look, and then left.

Sasuke put the new plates he bought into the cabinent, he needed more plates since Naruto had been staying with him. He noticed one of the plates was broken. He picked it up, examining the broken edge of the plate, then shrugged and set it on top of the pile of plates. Most people would throw out a broken plate with the excuse that the broken edge could possible cut and hurt whoever decided to use it. Sasuke felt like the plate symbolized him, or anyone that was broken in general. People tend to go for plates that weren't broken, in fear that they could get hurt, or because they didn't want to spend the time fixing the plate. It was dumb, but ever since the literature class he took a few years back, he saw symbolism in everything.

His thoughts wandered to Naruto. Did he worry that he would get hurt if he lingered around Sasuke? Just as he was about to ask himself where Naruto was at, Naruto appeared in the kitchen. "I'm back," Naruto said, plastering on his fake smile. Sasuke could tell that the smile wasn't a genuine smile, he couldn't remember the last time he saw Naruto smile for real. Sasuke frowned, he worried that maybe he was hurting Naruto, and breaking him too. Maybe I should have made him stay away forever… Sasuke thought. The last thing he wanted was to make Naruto break along with him. "Sorry, I went over to Kiba's to see how he was doing." Naruto said. He didn't want Sasuke to know he went to see Deidara, he didn't even know how Sasuke felt about Dei. Sasuke nodded, "How is he?" Naruto shrugged, "Eh, he's fine."

The day continued the same as every other day, neither really spoke, but around eight that night while the two were laying in bed, Sasuke said something that caught Naruto off guard. "Do you know how Deidara's doing?" he asked, looking up at the blonde. "Um.. no, but the last time I saw him he wasn't doing too well." he answered him carefully. Sasuke nodded. "I want to see him." Naruto sat up and thought about his conversation with Deidara. "I don't know if that's such a good idea, Sasuke." He answered. Sasuke furrowed his brows, "Why not?" Naruto frowned and averted his eyes, "Things aren't… okay between him and Sasori, and he isn't handling it well." He wasn't sure if he should've told him that but he had to find out eventually.

Sasuke frowned, "What happened between them?" Naruto shrugged, "I honestly don't know. I haven't seen Sasori in a long time." Sasuke looked up at the blonde, "Will you go visit Sasori and find out?" Naruto met his gaze, "What?" Sasuke reached his hand out and grabbed Naruto's arm, "Please… If they split up because of me… I just want them to be happy." he said. Naruto frowned, "Listen, I'll see what I can do okay? But promise me, that if they don't get back together, that you won't blame yourself." Sasuke nodded, and he even smiled, which caused Naruto to smile as well.

Sasuke tugged on Naruto's arm, pulling him down into the mess of blankets and pillows, and wrapped his arms around the blonde. He snuggled into his warm, tanned chest, and buried his face into his blonde locks. Naruto was quite surprised but he welcomed Sasuke's actions. Sasuke was finally starting to act more like himself and Naruto was happy. He leaned over and gave Sasuke a kiss on the cheek, then laid back down to sleep with a smile on his face.