The one referred to as 'her' in this part is a completely different character: 'She 3'
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I didn't want to believe that you felt something for me,
So, I used the one you missed as an excuse to not believe in the words you meant for me.
Every time you said something, I found ways to connect them to her,
One day I would let myself believe that you meant them for me,
But the next day everything would go back to thinking in circles.
I was a mess,
Torn between what I wanted to believe and what I should.
I was afraid I might be wrong,
I had always been wrong, and I didn't want to be wrong once again,
If I believed you felt something for me, I might actually think you care,
But then finding out later that it was all just in my head would be one hell of a ride,
And I didn't want that painful phase for the third time.
"It's my mind. It keeps wondering deeper into those dark places with every passing day".
