On My Doorstep [Editing]

Chapter 26

FAWN

"I'm here because I miss you. I don't know why you chose this other guy and what your history with him is. However, I do know about us. I know how you make me feel, and when I'm with you I feel like I can be myself. And Ami is honestly one of the coolest babies I've ever met, which is kinda weird to say. And I don't know what's going on in your life right now, but I want to be here for all of it. I want to be with you, and I'll do what it takes." 

I heard the words he was saying, but it took everything in me to even come to the door. I just couldn't have that conversation.

"I'm sorry, Kevin..." I started, just above a whisper, "please leave."

******

It had been a while since I closed the door on him just to come inside and watch Something New while Ami was playing with her mobile on the floor. It was a comfort movie, and at least I could forget about how much everything sucked.

Then I heard talking outside my door. At first, I thought it was Kevin on the phone or something. But as I listened closely, I could tell that it was some other guy's voice. 

They were talking about food.

He was still there?

And he was out there for so long that he decided to order himself dinner.

Wow.

******

After ignoring him for as long as I could, I finally went to open the door for him. He fell back, and I just managed to catch him and his food before they both toppled over and made a mess. Kevin looked up at me and smiled, then Ami came over and slapped his cheeks with her wet hands. It was cute, but her hands were definitely wet with saliva.

Still, Kevin smiled at her.

"Mama?!" Ami looked up at me with question, then ran back into the house. I pushed Kevin up and invited him inside. He grabbed his food, then came in and took his shoes off.

After I went to put Ami to sleep, we sat down and I was able to tell him why I was crying in the first place. He had his hand on my thigh below my shorts, which was more comforting than I thought it would've been.

"So," he started, "how did you meet Ami's birth mother?"

I just sat there and looked at him. He continued to wait, and after a few minutes shrugged. "We could also just sit here if that's what you want to do."

A small part of me did want to just sit there. Better yet, go crawl into my bed. But, more than that, I needed to tell someone that my life felt like it was going to absolute shit.

I sniffled, then sighed, "after lunch with my friends today, I met a girl I went to high school with. We weren't really close, but we were kind of friends at one point."

Kevin nodded, "okay."

"And we were talking about life, catching up. Then when I said bye and was leaving when she blurted out that she's Ami's birth mother."

Kevin took my hand, and I instinctively curled up next to him. He quite literally let me cry on his shoulder for as long as I needed to and just rubbed my back. I couldn't be sure, but in my mind I looked like a flushed baby that had just gotten sprayed with water. My collar was stretched out from me grabbing it to wipe my face, and I wasn't even wearing my cute pajamas. 

Still, he made me feel like I was okay.

Once I was all out of tears, he asked quietly, "have you called your lawyers?"