The future
13th of May,2020
Hi x
I know you want to please them, and I really understand. No one wants to feel left out, everybody wants to be cool, popular, liked by most people. But hear me out, is it worth losing yourself?
I know you didn't wanted to go out with them, I know you didn't wanted to pick up the phone, I know you don't feel at ease when they make a joke out of your insecurities. But you did go out, you did pick up the phone, you did laugh at the joke. Is doing things you don't want to do a way to live? Shouldn't living be all about enjoying it?
I also remember you tried to change so bad, but in the quiet of your room where no eyes are watching, did you really change? Or did you confuse changing with merely pretending?
I know if someone told that at the time, you'd say 'I'd rather change or pretend than be lonely' and I totally get it. But don't you think a lot of people would just love you for who you are? Of course they would, they'll never have the chance if you don't show them who you really are.
Why bother to push yourself so hard to please someone who might not care all that much? How about just saying 'no'? 'No I can't go out today I need sometime for myself' 'No I won't pick up the phone because I have stuff to do' 'No you can't laugh at someone and call it a joke, it's not cool'. Of course, they may not like it, but at least you can get to enjoy what you truly love in life, and express who you truly are.
Wish I could go back to convince you of that.
Your present self.
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