Stormy Summer

A Sweet Confession

I was back in school by Thursday. I was mostly feeling better, though I still felt a little light-headed.

Thinking back on the past few days, I felt intense shame. I've always been needy when I was sick. And Rose has seen me like this more than enough times. Even Charlie and Anna have. But just imagining Bokuto seeing me in that state was killing me. I faintly remember clinging to Bokuto. Even though Rose keeps assuring me that it was nothing out of the ordinary, I couldn't help but feel embarrassed...

I was just glad that I didn't have to see him before the break... That way I had some time to mentally prepare for even making eye contact after those humiliating days. According to Rose, I didn't say anything stupid but considering that it was me who was sick... It's more than likely that something stupid slipped my mouth...

I felt so pathetic for clinging to him like that. I mean Bokuto is kind. I'm sure he didn't mind... But that doesn't make it any less mortifying to think about.

The dreaded lunch break ended up coming sooner rather than later. Just as we left the classroom after our extra Japanese lessons, we ran into Bokuto, who was waiting outside the classroom.

"Homeroom ended early," he explained before any of us could ask. He then turned and went to go toward the staircase to the roof, "You coming?" he called over his shoulders as the halls slowly filled up with other students and we quickly went after him, carefully trying not to bump into anyone.

As we sat down, I notice Bokuto glancing at my bag every so often, following his eyes I saw the stuffed owl, "You kept it?" I turned to him, mildly surprised, "Why wouldn't I?" It was a gift, after all.

I could hear Rose clear her throat as she pointedly looked toward Bokuto.

Just as Akaashi sat down next to us, Bokuto stood up, grabbed my arm, and pulled me after him, "I need to talk to you for a second," he muttered.

I was filled with a strong sense of Déjà-vu as Bokuto stopped when we were behind the gym. Bokuto let go of my arm and turned around, "There's something I meant to tell you," Bokuto looked anywhere but my eyes.

"What is it?"

"I really like you!" Bokuto was looking at the ground, seemingly nervous. I stared at him in surprise. Why would he need to tell me that? I blinked in surprise.

Once.

Twice.

"That's great! For a while, I thought you were angry with me," I scratched the back of my head nervously, "I really like you too, you know? You're a great friend," Bokuto looked up at me in shock. He froze for a few seconds.

"That's not..." he hesitated, "Could you close your eyes for a second?" Bokuto took a hesitant step closer to me, "My eyes?"

"You trust me, right?"

I do.

I closed my eyes, and, for a few seconds, nothing happened. I was about to say something when I felt Bokuto's hand on my cheek. How close was he? He was at least an arm's length away before I closed my eyes. He ran his thumb over my cheek. Right under my eye.

"You know?" his voice sounded close, "I should've known. Hana-chan said something like this wouldn't make you understand..." I was about to ask him what he was talking about when my heart missed a few beats at his next action.

Bokuto gently placed a small kiss on top of my eye. A shiver went down my spine. I reached out for his blazer as my knees got a little weak. What's this weird feeling?

"Sally..." I shivered as I could still feel Bokuto's breath fan my face, even after he pulled back, "look at me," he cupped both my cheeks as I slowly opened my eyes.

"I really like you," Bokuto was on eye level with me, staring intensely, "please be my girlfriend," my eyes widened slightly as my mind processed his words.

Is he being serious right now?

He can't be...

Right?

Why would Bokuto see me that way? Do I even feel that way about him?

I never really thought about it before...

Please tell me this isn't some sort of sick joke and once I answer he's gonna be all like 'What? You actually believed that? How stupid are you?' and laugh at me...

Would Bokuto do such a thing? He's always so kind... He doesn't seem like the type of person to do such a thing...

Did he say 'Hana-chan'? Is Rose in on this?

That can't be it, right?

But...

I can't risk that.

That'd be too humiliating.

Should I refuse?

Then what if he's truly serious and I'm rejecting him?

Maybe I misunderstood him? Maybe he didn't actually say 'Girlfriend' but I just heard what I wanted to hear?

Those things happen, right?

What did I want to hear?

Do I want to...?

"I-" I didn't notice when I'd started crying. This would definitely be the worst outcome for this situation...

Why am I crying? And at a time like this?

For a second, Bokuto was too shocked to do anything as I stood before him, desperately wiping away my tears.

Could the ground just swallow me whole right now?

This truly is the worst.

I'm pathetic.

"I-I'm-" before I could finish what I wanted to say, I was pulled into a tight embrace. I never paid too much attention to it but after Bokuto hadn't hugged me in what felt like such a long time I can say for sure that his hugs truly are the best.

They're so warm.

"I'm sorry," Bokuto muttered as he hugged me tighter, "You don't have to answer me right now... Just... And it's okay if you d-don't feel the same way... Just... please don't cry anymore..." Bokuto's voice sounded foreign to my ears. I never heard him sound like that.

I felt like scum.

I did this.

I ruined everything.

I'm the worst.

Bokuto deserves someone who is just as kind as him.

Not someone like me.

I don't deserve his feelings.