Stormy Summer

A Sleepless Night

That next morning, I lay awake for what felt like hours before my alarm was supposed to go off. I hadn't slept that much last light, sleep just didn't seem to find me. Thinking back on what happened yesterday after practice, I contemplated whether I should have said something else, too.

At first, I was completely alone behind the gym as Bokuto had yet to come outside while I was slowly pacing back and forth. I took the time to take a few deep breaths and to collect my thoughts. This isn't going to be easy...

Against my better judgment, I hadn't figured out a plan to address this while practice was still going on.

But of course, I wouldn't do that. What's the point in figuring things out while you still have time, if you can just do it last-minute?

I groaned inwardly.

This is ridiculous.

What the hell am I thinking?

Maybe this is a bad idea... I don't even know how to start...

Just as I was about to talk myself into just leaving the topic for another day, a voice nearly gave me a heart attack.

I whipped around much faster than I had intended to and quickly came face to face with none other than Bokuto.

'This is it... No turning back now...'

Bokuto seemed eager to say something but instead, he just scratched the back of his head and sighed, "What did you want to talk about?"

I cleared my throat and tried to think of a way to start, "Um... I actually meant to talk to you about this for a while..." I felt extremely awkward.

It didn't help at all that Bokuto was looking at me in a mix of nervousness and caution.

I cleared my throat again and had to look away from him to finally get the words out, "I really like you too, Bokuto..." It came out close to a whisper, kind of mumbled halfway through. But at least I said it, right?

When I turned my eyes back to Bokuto, he seemed frozen in place, "What... Did you say?" His eyes were widened in disbelief.

Wait... Did he really not hear me? I blushed furiously. I barely got it out the first time! How would I be able to repeat it?

"I-" I started but Bokuto interrupted me by engulfing me in a tight hug, "Why were you crying earlier?" He asked seemingly out of nowhere. What is this about?

And above all that, I don't want to tell him that I was this torn up over something like this... Admitting to that would be humiliating.

He'd laugh at how ridiculous this is... Worrying over something such as that.

I can't help but wonder though... Did he feel the same way? Was he just as nervous before he confessed? At the time, I didn't really pay too much attention to it as I was just too shocked to notice anything at all...

Though... I don't think Bokuto would think like that... He is much too nice for that...

Maybe he was just as nervous... Maybe he wouldn't laugh at me... Maybe...

Maybe I can trust him...

I took a deep breath as I buried my face in his blazer.

"I was just... Nervous... I guess..."

"About what?" Bokuto seemed really tense right now. I kind of wish I could see his face... but then again this would most likely be harder on me if I did see his face...

Everything from then on is now just a blur. I sighed as I turned over on my futon. I'm really not looking forward to today...

At least I got to tell him, right? Though it didn't go the way I would've liked it to go...

Every time I closed my eyes, Rose's words echoed in my head, 'Tell him again,' and I knew she might have a point but if Bokuto was ignoring what I'd told him then what would be the point in telling him again?

It would save both of us a lot of embarrassment if I'd just get over it. He clearly didn't see me that way. Maybe he never did...

I must have misunderstood...

All I could hear around myself were Rose's soft breaths as she was most likely still sleeping.

Summer break is coming up soon... I was kind of looking forward to it. One, I didn't have to school then. Two, the four of us would be going to the old cottage from Kuro's family.

And that means that I could gain some distance from everyone. Especially Bokuto. I need to clear my feelings out before I can face him properly again.

But then again, Rose might just be right... I should probably tell him again and this time more clearly so that I can be sure that he didn't just misunderstand what I meant to tell him...

But... Not today.

I need to seriously think about how I should do it now. To be prepared for rejection.

I already know that Rose would force me to tell him again. She probably wouldn't stop nagging me until I do.

I was startled when the sound of my alarm went off. I groaned inwardly as I turned it off, turning around to face Rose. She didn't stir at all, most likely still sound asleep. Hate to wake her up now but... She's got to take her medicine.

After that, the whole day around Bokuto was slightly awkward. At least for me. Bokuto seemed just fine, which, to be honest, slightly hurt my feelings. He acted as though nothing happened yesterday.

Whenever I looked at him, I just hoped that Summer break would be here soon. I needed a break.

I really wish pretending nothing had happened would be as easy as it seemed to be for Bokuto.