Stormy Summer

A Heavy Fog

Should I just keep quiet and hope that he has to leave soon?

Would that avoid the problem altogether?

Would he just end up asking me about it after practice?

And... Wouldn't that be unfair to him? He's just trying to be nice... Even though I hadn't been the nicest lately...

I have to talk to him...

But... How?

How do you address such a topic? How do I even start?

'We need to talk'?

... Wouldn't that sound too serious?

'I need to tell you something'?

... Doesn't sound right either...

What if he just leaves if I don't talk to him?

Without even realizing it, I had begun to lean on Bokuto.

He's always doing his best.

Not even once have I seen him doing something half-heartedly.

I owe him an answer.

"Bokuto?" My voice was quiet.

"Hm?" he hummed as he rested his hand on the back of my head.

"Can we talk?" I hid my head deeper into my knees, "... After practice...?" I added quietly.

For a few moments, there was nothing but silence. Had I said something wrong?

"S-sure..." Bokuto finally answered. I couldn't help but wonder what kind of expression he's wearing right now...

Just then, someone called for Bokuto from inside the gym. Before standing up, Bokuto squeezed me one last time and just like that, he was gone.

It took me a few minutes to realize what I had just done. I had to think about what I'm even going to say. And how. I can't just go in unprepared. That's not how I work... I need to be prepared. What am I even going to say?

What if he'd already changed his mind by now and I just end up making things awkward between us again? I don't know what I would do if that were the case...

Should I ask Rose for advice? Would she know what to say? Or would she just end up telling me to listen to my heart and that I'll figure it out once the time comes?

And what about the fact that I had cried? I don't want him to see me like that...

Either way, I needed a plan. And fast too.

After a few more minutes, I got up and went toward the girls' bathroom. Once I saw myself in the mirror, I cringed slightly. I look terrible.

I went to wash my face and was startled at the door flinging open. I dried off my face and pretended that I didn't notice anyone entering. I didn't want anyone to see me like this. I lowered my head and hurried past the chatting girls, who I could hear laughing to themselves once I was outside.

I know it's stupid to think like this but... I couldn't help but fear that they had laughed because of me. They didn't say much while I was inside, much less about me. There was no apparent reason for me to think like that. Other than the fact that I'm way too self-conscious about every little thing lately.

Back outside I took a deep breath before heading back toward the gym. On my way, I considered whether I should go inside or if it's best to stay outside. So it was no surprise that I hesitated before making my way up the staircase.

When I reached the door, my hand paused on the door handle.

Should I go inside? Wouldn't it be better to just wait outside? What would Rose say to the way I look right now? Would she notice that I'd cried? Even though I at least tried to hide it as best as I could in that short time?

Though then again... How would I even be able to hide anything from her at all? She had always been extremely perceptive.

With another deep breath, I quietly opened the door and quickly made my way inside, changing shoes in the process. Then, as quietly as possible, as to not disturb practice in any way, I made my way towards the others and sat down next to Rose without another word.

Should I apologize for earlier? Is there anything I need to apologize for? Maybe for worrying her like that...

I looked at her from the corner of my eyes. She was watching practice, seemingly not taking notice of my presence.

I felt a lump in my throat and I started feeling slightly dizzy. I hadn't ruined our friendship with my stubbornness, had I?

Maybe she is just really engaged in their practice today? I'm sure that if I had been in her position, my feelings would have been hurt.

However, there is nothing much that I could do about it now. I don't want to disturb practice and if we talk too much, we could end up distracting the team. Though, admittedly, that never stopped us before.

So we just sat there in uncomfortable silence, at least it was that way for me, and without really noticing it, my eyes were glued to Bokuto. He seemed slightly off today. Was he that way before, too? He isn't usually this unfocused...

The second half of practice practically flew by and Bokuto seemed to barely manage to keep his focus.

I could feel a pair of eyes bore into the back of my head as we made our way out of the gym as the team cleaned everything up downstairs. Before I could follow Anna and Charlie down the staircase, Rose placed her hand on my shoulder to stop me.

I was hesitant to turn around at first, but when I did, I was met with a look of guilt in Rose's eyes, "I'm sorry for lashing out on you earlier... It's just that... You can't keep avoiding the topic like this... It wouldn't be fair to Bokuto. Or to you..."

I nodded. I knew she was right, " I know... it's just... it's hard to address it, you know?" I sighed, "But I'll be talking to him now... I met him when I was... behind the gym... earlier..." I looked away slightly.

"You mean when you were hiding away from your problems?" Rose looked at me sympathetically.

I snorted, "Yeah... Something like that..." I knew she didn't mean any harm. Rose could never actively hurt someone. She's much too kind to do such a thing.