Stormy Summer

A Tired Mind

Normality, or as close as we could get to it anyway, resumed after only a few days after the incident behind the gym. I wasn't sure why, but Bokuto pretended as though nothing had happened.

Summer break was just a few weeks away now. I was nervously anticipating it as I'd decided on telling Bokuto before Summer break started. I was pretty nervous as I didn't even know why he was acting like this.

I was pulled from my train of thought as Rose flinched and a loud slapping sound resonated within the gym. Charlie squeaked next to us and looked away instantly, covering her mouth as she did so. Anna and I flinched, looking up, as suddenly a few other teammates shouted along with Bokuto, who was lying on the ground, clutching at his face, a ball was rolling away from him.

The ball must have collided with his nose, as when he sat up, there was blood trailing down his hand and arm from where he held his nose.

"What happened?" came a quiet question from Anna. She had been reading something on her phone and thus, didn't see what happened. Rose didn't answer, as she just stared at Bokuto in shock. I would've answered her myself, but I hadn't seen what happened either, so I just shrugged.

"Ball- Bokuto got hit with a ball," Charlie sputtered out, her voice sounded strained, "he's bleeding," she added and her voice cracked at the end as she swallowed soundly.

I would've tried to comfort her in some way, but I didn't know how... Rose is better at comforting people than I am.

Plus, she'd probably like it more if Rose or Anna helped her than if I did...

Looking back at Bokuto, he was now sitting on the bench with a wet cloth on his neck and another on his nose. He was staring at the practice with frustration in his eyes.

From what I'd gathered in the time I knew Bokuto was, that even though if something doesn't work out the way he wants it to he gets frustrated and almost depressed fairly quickly, his passion for volleyball could almost rival Kuro-chan's passion for the game.

It's admirable to be so passionate about something that you'd do anything to keep doing it.

I sighed mentally as I watched Bokuto. Why is it so hard to just come out and say what I want to say? Life would be so much easier without the constant fear of being misunderstood, wouldn't it?

Then why can't I just... stop?

Stop doubting... Stop questioning... Stop worrying... Stop... everything...

I wish... I was someone else... I want to be someone else... But it's not as easy as people say it is. You can't be whoever you want to be... You can only try to make everyone around you believe that you're the person you want to be and hope they don't ask too many questions...

Because if they do... They won't see you as the person you want to be but rather as the person you truly are deep down. And who would want that?

As I drifted through my thoughts, I didn't notice but I came to again when Rose was waving her hand in front of my face, "Earth to Summer! Are you even there?" she asked, amused to which I playfully rolled my eyes and pushed her hand back toward her, "No, Summer's on vacation, but you can leave a message if you'd like to," I suggested with a straight face, fighting off my smile.

"Oh, okay sure," Rose started, nodding, "I'd like to know whether Summer has time to stop by the grocery store after practice today, as there are a few things that just came out a few days ago," she didn't even wait for a reply as she continued, "and if Summer hadn't been preoccupied with her vacation, she'd know that there's also a new volume of 'My Hero Academia' that came out today," she finished.

I nodded immediately. I had been waiting for this new volume for a while now.

"Well, that's great!" she smiled at me, "There is also something we need to talk about later..." she added as her expression became more serious. Knowing that this might come about eventually, I slowly nodded in agreement. There's no way she would have 'no' as an answer.

She patted my back in what I assumed was comfort, but ironically it did just the opposite of what she intended it to do.

Internally, I cringed at myself. She's just trying to help... I shouldn't be too harsh on her... Am I even being harsh? I'm not even able to tell right from wrong anymore...

What am I doing? I need to stop acting like the world is antagonizing me... I need to 'man up' a little... I don't want to be this pathetic.

I hadn't even realized that I had slowly been falling behind until I felt a hand rest itself on my shoulder. Slightly startled I looked up to meet the eyes of none other than Bokuto, whose nose, while it didn't look as bad, still looked crimson.

"Are you okay? You're not usually this quiet," he seemed worried, ironically. I suppressed a snappy remark and just shook my head. None of this was his fault anyway. No need to make him upset as well.

He didn't seem to believe me. I could see it in his eyes. He was debating whether he should push me to answer him or just let it go.

'Let it go' my mind wouldn't stop taunting this very same option over and over again like a mantra. I really didn't feel like talking anyway. There was nothing to say. Nothing was wrong. I'm fine.

"I'm really fine, Bokuto. You don't-" I paused slightly, "There's no need to worry," I added quickly, immediately regretting my slight pause to find the right words as Bokuto's face didn't look any less concerned.

It would be easier if he'd just ignore me for now. I'm not so nice to be around right now. I just feel like being alone. Not having to talk to anyone for a decade suddenly rang like heaven.

I only managed to slip away from Bokuto once Rose called for us to 'hurry up because the train will arrive soon'

'I'm really fine...' I thought to myself, trying to get rid of my bad conscious after I acted somewhat cold toward Bokuto, 'I'm just tired...'