PENUMBRA (how the flowers grow)

26. Pansy

Note: Steamy thoughts in this. You've been warned, if you're not on board with that. Happy reading! :)

"Tender and pleasant thoughts"

As the full moon approaches, L'gaoia sets course for Whitegate. The city is inside Valdent's borders and as they make their way there, they start to pass villages more frequently. The landscape becomes less isolated, more connected. They see more travelers on the roads and the roads themselves start to become cobbled rather than just dirt paths that could lead to anywhere.

L'gaoia is in a mood, so Tuluvey and the others try their best to cheer her up, but for the most part they simply avoid annoying her, as much as they are able, at least. Sabina isn't terribly thrilled about going into Valdent, either. She fiddles more with the chain around her neck and he tries to assuage her fears. A couple days after they pass Valdent's border, she starts to get less tense.

Aside from that, everything else is quite splendid, in Tuluvey's opinion. He's surrounded by his family and he and Sabina have started to cuddle at night when she's up to it. It's nice to be able to cradle her in his arms and plant kisses wherever he can reach, gently sliding his fingers along her body. She curls up into him and he feels as if he can protect her like this.

An even more blissful feeling is when she'll trace her fingers over his skin as if memorizing every part. Her touches are so light that it makes him think she's afraid she'll hurt him. He doesn't say anything when her touches come, when she so carefully explores how it feels to run her fingers over his face, his chest, his shoulders, his hands. It's intimate in a way that makes him feel seen.

Sometimes at night, she'll wrap her arms around him and he'll lay his head on her chest so he can listen to her heartbeat, always a gamble whether it will be steady or racing. She'll squeeze him occasionally like she's worried she's dreamt him up. He feels safe in her arms. He feels safe with the Goldhands, but not quite in the same way. If he rests his head on her arm, he feels the hardness of her muscles.

Tuluvey knows very well Sabina can be scary, but he's never been afraid of her. Even when he's seen her covered in blood both hers and someone else's, seen her take down people with ease, he wasn't afraid of her. It's hard to be afraid of her when he's the one that's soothed her after nightmares so bad she vomits when she wakes up, hard to be afraid of her when he's the one that cleaned her up because she didn't know where she was and her hands were shaking so bad she couldn't have done it even if she had.

It's so nonsensical to be afraid of her when she looks at him like he's the best thing that ever happened to her or when he knows that she was the one scared of him when they first met. He thinks it's funny (and sad, of course it's sad) that she saw him approach her- him with flowers in his hair and willowy body with soft green skin and a pretty face- and was afraid. He supposes it makes sense that she would be wary when she hardly looks like she could snap his neck with her thighs or throw him across the room with ease. She knows all about seeming innocuous.

Tuluvey recalls with delight the looks on the Goldhands' faces when she took out those two men who were much bigger than her without pulling a weapon. Yes, she's very strong and he likes that. He likes that she doesn't need him but wants him anyway.

When Sabina is off with someone else, Tuluvey occasionally goes off to their room to take himself in hand and think about just how he would take care of her in a different sense. He thinks about all the fun things they could get up to in their bed for the night, or up against a tree, or in a field of flowers. He thinks about kissing her everywhere, fantasizes about the sweet way she would touch him as she explores his body. He thinks about her fingers, her tongue- on him, in him.