PENUMBRA (how the flowers grow)

5. Hair

The next few days pass with little strife.

They eat, they talk, they walk, and they sleep. It's comforting, having a routine like that. Sabina finds she thinks much less when she can focus on someone else and she begrudgingly admits to herself that she really was tiring of her own company. Tuluvey proves to be a good distraction.

When the sun is high in the sky, they stumble across a large pond that makes Tuluvey brighten and cut off his train of thought.

"Oh, good!"

He bounces over to the water's edge and sets his bag down and begins stripping shamelessly. Sabina's cheeks redden and she averts her gaze toward the trees.

"What are you doing?"

"Washing!" Tuluvey cheers. "And if you're smart, you'll take this opportunity to do the same."

Sabina will admit she is overdue for a bath. She hasn't had one since she met Tuluvey and her hair is slick with grease. She knows she's absolutely filthy. She audibly sighs and walks over to the pond, dutifully ignoring the sounds of Tuluvey moving about in the water.

If he looks over, he'll see my tattoos. The scars.

"The water's not going to hurt you," Tuluvey speaks up and Sabina jolts as she realizes she must have been glaring at the water as if it was about to kill her. Embarrassed, she reaches up to rub at her cheek as if that will make the blush go away or return some of her dignity.

"I know that," she snaps.

"All right, all right. Get in, then. I can wash your clothes for you."

"Yeah, fine," Sabina concedes.

"Great," Tuluvey chirps.

Sabina pulls her bag off her shoulder and sets it down. She tentatively starts taking off her clothes, starting with the little things. She tosses her belt aside, then her shoes, then her coat. Her heart pounds in her chest and she desperately tries to console herself.

It's fine. He won't care and he probably won't even know what the tattoos mean. They're Shasani symbols. He won't know what they mean and everybody has scars. It doesn't matter.

Yet, it feels like it very much matters. She's been naked before in front of people, been in humiliating situations (Arthur and Vess made sure of that). Tuluvey seeing proof of her lack of worth is somehow... different- but in a way that makes her feel pathetic.

Sabina takes off her shirt, revealing her undershirt, which lacks sleeves. She tries to keep from looking at her arms, but that proves to be a task destined for failure. The black, swirling designs curl up her arms and onto her shoulders, connecting in the back like some sort of jewelry piece. They've long since healed, but they itch and Sabina resists the urge to scratch at them.

"Those are pretty designs," Tuluvey comments.

Sabina feels a chill up her spine and a defensive retort crawls up her throat, but dies before it reaches her lips.

"I guess so," she says coldly, hoping her voice lets him know that she absolutely does not want to talk about them.

Tuluvey doesn't go on and she relaxes ever so slightly. She shucks off the rest of her clothes as quickly as she can after snatching a bar of soap from her bag. She sinks into the cool water, shivering.

She runs the soap all over her body, not thinking about getting clean. She thinks about Arthur, pictures his face in her head, the gnarled fingers gripping the top of his cane. She feels the prick of the needle sticking her skin and the buzz of the magic being forced in with the ink. She thinks of Arthur- of Arthur- of Arthur.