Toni Topaz is suicidal, she doesn't believe in God, or anything other than love. Toni has been going through things in her life that no one knows not even her girlfriend Cheryl.
Toni is the Captain of the Cheer Team and Student body president.
Che...
Today was the day I have to sing my song that I wrote, My mom, and other siblings are coming to. I am so nervous, because now all of my friends and family are going to know what I've been feeling. I know that it's wrong that I have been keeping this secret in, but it was for the best.
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(Toni's outfit)
I pulled up at school, and soon as my door stepped out of my car Kevin, Fangs, Veronica, and Betty came towards me.
"Toni what happened?" Kevin sayed
"She found out about it and she said she needed space. I haven't seen her since." I said
"Well she's here, and everything else. Do you have your song ready?" Kev asked
"Yeah I do." I said
"Well let's get going." Betts said and we all went in school.
"So the whole day us and everyone will be in the auditorium all day. Our parents and siblings, cousins, aunt's, uncles are going to be in their so be ready." Fangs said.
"I know all of our family are going to be there." I said
"Toni just calm down, and we have to tell you something." V said
"What?" I said
"We know." Betts said and I immediately knew what she was talking about.
"How?" I asked
"Cheryl told me and Fangs. She was mad and upset. She called me crying and telling me everything then I told fangs." B said
"Well everyone is going to find out today so just keep it on the low." I said and we headed to the auditorium where all of our friends were and our family's in the audience.
"Damn, I never thought that everyone would show up. Even my dad's side." I said
"Yeah, just stay strong sis ok. You got this, plus your the last person to go so you have all the time you need before you go up." Fangs reassured me
By now everyone had gone and now it was my turn. I was so nervous and everyone was watching me, even my friends. I spotted Kevin, Veronica, Fangs and Betty sitting next to each other and gave me a smile. I took a deep breath as I started to play the piano
Have you ever felt so depressed that you can't go on no more? Have you ever felt so alone that no one loved you no more?
Have you ever cried in the dark, but still smile in the face of everyone? Cause no one care anyway Have you ever told the world that you wanted to be killed?
Have you ever told anyone to be happy their alive? Because I am dying inside For all my life I hid my tears
People in this world they don't want me here. But nobody knows that I've been fighting for way too many years.
So if I was to take my life tonight would anyone cry? I smile in people's faces and act okay when I'm really dying inside.
I feel so worthless, I don't deserve this I just want to fly away to a place where everything okay
Because my daddy had died, when I was 13, he took his life in my basement. I seen him there hanging in the air, oh I was so scared, I'm still so broken
And now I'm 17 trying to fill voids I've been smoking weed trying to find joy. I've been cutting lines like everyday on my arms and thighs cause this is my way
My mom thinks I'm lying when I say I'm not okay. They don't know, I just sit in my room and just cry all night.
I just sit there and hate my life, hate my life. I don't know what my worth is inside this world. Am I a beautiful babygirl?
I miss my dad when he called me his babygirl. He would say I was the joy inside his world. He used to hug me and give me kisses on my forehead.
He would tuck me in bed, and say I love you, yes I do. Now I don't know what's next for me. I've been trying to fight, but it doesn't seem much help for me.
I've been trying to stay alive, but this thing I swear, it hurts me so much. And it kills that nobody sees me like this.
I just wish my dad was still in my life My life will be whole, no more pain He died in my face, that hurt me so bad. I didn't even get to say goodbye to my dad.
I want him to say he's proud of me, that he loves me, that he accepts me, that he is watching over me. I loved him so, but he's still gone, this hole
In my heart will never be filled, he's dead and gone, now look how this s made me feel. I just wish I could see his face, one last time.
Not have to go through this pain, not have to hide secrets and so much more. I just want him back in my life.
I finished singing my songs with tears down my face. Without thinking I ran out to my car and drove home. I locked my door to my room ran into my closet and crawled into my secret room.
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