I speak in Silence

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September 1, 2017

It was a fantastic night. Parents were proud, graduation caps soared through the air, and the party never seemed to end.

I set my shiny, blue eyes toward the stars. Who would have thought among such a desolate universe could lie such bright, ferociously potent suns that light the skies so brilliantly? These are the same stars that led people to freedom, to lands of opportunity, and I wondered where they would lead me as I started my new life; I hoped it would be with Austin.

Austin had been my boyfriend of seven years, we were high school sweethearts. He is two years older than me, and graduated law school just a year ago. He is the true definition of a ginger. He has naturally bright red hair, blue eyes, and an immensely freckled face and stands at a height of six feet, making him six inches taller than I am.

He's dreamy, he's bound to make our family lots of money, and he is the most romantic man you would ever know. He is all I could ask for in a lover, and thanks to his family business of law, I thought I should never have to work a day in my life. In fact, I have been so confident of this fact since high school, that I told my parents I had no desire to go to college. My mother, however, laughed at this argument and forced me to pursue a higher education anyway. A few years flew by and bam! Next thing you know I was graduating college.

Austin's best friend, Richard, was throwing a graduation party that night, and I had felt a bit under the weather. I could not tell whether it was some form of postsenioritis or the common cold, but I did not feel like partying at all past ten o'clock. I told Austin I would have to take a rain check and that he could attend the party without me. I was hoping he would do the right thing and stay with me, but he decided he still wanted to go anyway. I was a bit disappointed, but I respected his decision.

I had recuperated by the time of this party, of which my invite was still valid to, and I decided to go to the party that night. I texted Austin that I was coming to no avail. He never responded, which I found a bit suspicious, but shrugged aside. He was a good man, I could trust him... or so I thought.

I entered Richard's townhouse. The smell of cigarettes and alcohol lingered in my nostrils as, in the darkness, bright strobe lights and fog illuminated the dark house, flashy enough to be a detrimental epileptic danger.  I stumbled through the sticky, dark house and into the kitchen to grab a drink. My glossy black high-heeled pumps stuck to some unknown sticky liquids on the floorboards like Velcro.

Across the room I noticed a tall man with tufts of vibrant red hair and concluded that it could only had been Austin. However, I saw him getting awfully touchy with another girl. His hands wrapped strongly around her waist as they leaned into each other's faces. I could not believe it was Austin. I did not want to believe it was him, but when I approached him it was the same man who had once kissed me so passionately in the same way.

Austin cheated on me. His lips touched those of another girl. I did not see who she was or why they were but they did, and that was all I needed to know. I left the house party as quickly as possible. Austin desperately trailed behind me with a series of I'm-sorrys and I-can-explains but they were nothing other than meaningless noises to me.

He told me that we were committing too early. He wanted to go out and explore before committing to me. Austin always did have good arguments—as any promising attorney should have—but none of them could win me over. Not this time.

I drove home and could not hold in my weeps and sorrows on the trip there. My windshield wipers swooshed away the obtrusive rain on my windshield, but they could not wipe away the tears in my tearful eyes.

The stars had begun to turn less guiding, less warmth and life providing, and more angry. The stars looked at me with ferocity, they taunted me, they looked down upon me for the fool that I was.

As soon as I pulled into my driveway, I jumped out of my orange Prius. I swung open the blue-stained hickory wooden door and ran for my bedroom door. As I poured my heart out into my tear-stained pillow that had undergone its perhaps, thousandth meltdown, I realized something. I realized how stupid it was of me to think I could live entirely dependent on a man who could leave me at any moment. I decided I was going to live for myself, and I would never allow my life to be dependent upon that of another.