What We Didn't Tell Each Other

- chapter 1: "i missed you" -

- JUNE -

"So you mean to tell me, that this whole summer so far, you just stayed at home at night and studied?" He asks me, trying hard to contain his laughter. "Studying for what? Sophomore year hasn't even started, Tanya. And even when it does, it's sophomore year."

I shrug and roll my eyes, pretending that what he said didn't just offend me as I peel the skin off my orange. "Alex," I say his name as if though it's an insult, "Not everyone has the intention to throw their college experience away through partying and hooking up, okay? We may be just sophomores in college but I need to start preparing for the MCAT now, okay? In fact, I should've started preparing a long time ago. Plus, it's only been about a month since school let out, so it hasn't been all summer, smartass."

He raises his hands in defense. "Okay, okay, nothing against that, but all I'm saying is that we have at least two and a half months before school starts and you should give yourself a break. I know you want to be this whole ass, big ass, know-it-all surgeon and all, but even people who have made it give themselves a break."

"Yeah, but that's WHEN they make it. I still haven't, so there's no room for 'breaks' or anything that leads to failure." I begin to split my orange in pieces and watch him from my peripheral vision as he makes his way around the table to sit in the seat next to mine. My heart begins to do that little flutter it always does around him and my mind begins to wander, wanting to ask him about his summer so far and what he's done but too afraid of the answer. I don't want to risk knowing he's moved on or what girls he's hooked up with when our OFFICIAL official break up just happened near the end of April -- and by that, I mean we broke up in January, a week after the New Year, but we continued to act and do stuff as if though we were in a relationship since the moment of the break up to around April when things started getting rocky; then, I completely went off on him at the start of May and we cut things off completely, even communication. But I can't help but wonder how much he's done within the past month. The thought of it makes my head hurt and my heart ache, so what makes me think I'm ready to ask anything I don't want the answer to?

When he sits down, he adjusts his white t-shirt and pokes me on my shoulder. When I look up at him, he smiles. "Tanya, how about this...you come to a party with me?" When he sees my expression, he cuts me off before I can say anything. "Before you get your panties in a knot, hear me out, yeah?" I stay quiet and he continues. "There's a party this upcoming week, but if you don't want to come to the ones for this upcoming week, then you have at least a month to think over coming to one with me for the Fourth of July. It's June second now, so you have at least a month to decide."

I set my now half-eaten orange on the table and stare him back dead in the eyes, trying to hide the fact that my heart is also playing a funny game on me with the fact that he's already planned for us to do something within a month -- meaning, he wants to somewhat start building up as friends again. "Alex, as much as I'd love to invest my time in smelling like alcohol, weed, sweat, and other bodily fluids, I think I'd rather spend my time minding my own business and not getting involved with business that doesn't involve me." I stand up to throw away the orange peel. As I turn around to find my way back to my seat, I see him eyeing me up and down. A smirk sets across his face and my face flushes.

He clears his throat and says, "Before I respond to your response, let me just have a moment to say that I notice that books aren't the only things you've been hitting, huh?"

My eyes widen and I respond, "What do you mean?"

"I see you've been working out. Squats? Lunges? What's your poison? Your weak ass used to be so skinny, but now you're looking more slim thick. I see you're actually building an ass." He jokingly bites his lip and rubs his hands in a fuckboy manner.