We Lost in the Fire. Bucky Barnes fanfic

11.

Roses POV brought to you by Bucky being a hopeless romantic
I woke up with a smile to those gorgeous blue eyes. "Good morning doll" I'm living in a dream. "Me too doll" and he kisses my forehead. Apparently I said that out loud. Which is fine. At this point I'm just go with the flow just chillin being all dreamy and stuff. I know this won't last forever but I'll enjoy it while I can. "Come on we have to leave." He says sounding excited. "Whyyyyyyyy I'm so comfy. What place can be better than this? Tell me Bucky." I say. The bed was so warm and cozy and not to mention Bucky didn't have a shirt on. "Maybe a cabin in the woods. In Maine. So go pack a bag." I looked at him. "With what clothes? I didn't buy any winter clothes. I'll freeze." I want to go and get away. It's only been a week here and it's all been with Bucky but there have been times where I start to feel the stress of being on the tower. "I'll have Stark send some winter clothes over. You'll be okay doll." He grabs my hand and brings it up to his face and kisses it. "Okay we can go." He wraps his arms around me and rolls over in the bed and ends up on top of me. "Hey" I said looking up and smiling at him. "Hey" he says smiling back at me. He leans in to kiss me and I lean in too. But we don't kiss. We just stop. He puts his forehead against mine and moves so all of his weight is on his metal arm and his other is on my waist. I put my hands on his face and look him in the eyes and say "it's okay Bucky, you can kiss me. I promise." I feel him smile on my hands and we finally make our lips connect and he pushes my head down on to a pillow. I move one of my hands to the back of his head and bring him closer to me. His scent is intoxicating. His cologne or whatever he's wearing smells like wood and it's great. I want more and more like a drug. He pulls away from this little make out session. "Come Roza. We have to go." He's smirking. "Fine but one more kiss" I say and I roll us over and kiss him again and he moves one of his hands to my waist and uses the other to pull my hair behind my ear and hold my face. "Now we can go Buc." I say as I roll off the bed. Off to Maine we go.

We arrive in Maine in about an hour. It's snowing and gorgeous when we land. We land on a landing pad at the cabin and its huge. Like mansion huge. "Damn Stark" Bucky muttered under his breath. "So, Winter Soldier. What is like being in the snow?" I say turning. As I turned, my blonde curls hit my now rosy cheeks. He grabbed our bags and turned to me, smiled and said "So that's how its gonna be huh?" and with that we went inside.

"Stark really outdid himself didn't he doll" He said after we walked inside. He set our bags down and walked over to me. I threw myself into his chest and wrapped my arms around him and said in my most childish voice "I'm cold James" He gave a little laugh and and wrapped his strong arms around me and we stayed there for a few moments and he lifted my chin up to his face. I could probably stare into his icy blue's forever and ever amen. "Then how about we find the master bedroom and get to snugglin' doll." and he kissed me. Just a little peck. Then he turned to our bags and picked them up and said "Well go find the room Rose." and I turned and ran up the stairs. After about 5 minutes of looking, at the very end of the hall, was the master. It had a wall that was completley made of glass. The bed faced the window. It was this huge triangle that faced the snow covered mountains. The sheets were dark green and all the decorations were rustic but modern. I explore the massive room a bit. It had a sitting area and two walk in closets and opposite the closets was the biggest bathroom I've ever seen. It had a huge garden tub, a stand up shower big enough for 6 people. Like Avenger sized people. It had a vanity, double sinks, and a walk in linen closet. It smelled like the surrounding pine and spruce trees. I walked back into the bedroom to Bucky facing away from me changing into lounge wear. He had so many scars on his back. I walked over to him and hugged him from behind. "Bucky..." he placed his hands on my hands that I had put over his chest. "Rose... I need to tell you something. That's why I brought you out here, away from everyone." he said as he turned around. I could see pain on his face. "What is it Bucky." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath and looked at me and spoke in a deep voice. "Rose, when I was at H.Y.D.R.A. I was trained to be a weapon. One day, they decided that I couldn't be on every mission they had. They decided that they needed a woman who could rope men into a trance and lead them to their death. I was their death. They found a girl. She was 19. She didn't know her name when I met her. I only knew her age because they told me so I could train her to be like me. A cold-hearted killer with no feeling. No emotions. With only one purpose." I took my hands and placed them on the face of a broken man. A man who didn't deserve this life. "James.." I trailed off because I knew he had more to say. "She shadowed my every move. Lived in the same cell as me, trained with me, ate with me, and sadly became me. I wouldn't wish that part of my life on anyone. The part where I had no control over what I did. Or who I did it on. This girl and I became close and fell in love, but neither of us said it at the time. Eventually, the guards caught on and they separated us. She was my sunshine. My purpose." He now had his arms around my waist. "They took my sunshine away. Experimented on her. Injected her with things S.H.I.E.L.D. doesn't even know exists. Then they sent her on missions. I lost her. My beautiful sunshine. Do you know what they called her?" he stared into my eyes. I was on the verge of tears. "The Winter Rose" he said as he hung his head low. "It was you Roza. It was you." I was in shock to say the least. I was a killing machine. "The people in my nightmares... are those the people I killed... as her?" My voice was shaky. I wasn't scared of Bucky because I knew what he did wasn't him. But now I understand why he thinks he's a monster. Because the only thing you can do is blame yourself. You don't think about the people that were actually controlling you. "Yes Rose" He said walking over to me. "That's why I call you Roza. That's what I called you when we were imprisoned by them. Please my flower, don't blame yourself. I know that you think you're a monster and you're not." He picked my chin up. I was completely crying now. He brushed my long hair away from my face and wiped my tears away. "Please Roza. Understand that those things you did weren't you... please." His voice was sad. He sounded like he was begging for his life. "Is that why I'm so comfortable round you? Because at one point we were, ya know, in love?" I looked up at him. "That's my theory yes." he paused before he continued. "But if you don't want to be together, I understand. I waited until you had feelings for me again before I told you that we were in love." He hung his head low once more. "Why James? Why wouldn't you just tell me if you never stopped loving me?" I asked gently. I wasn't angry. As I spoke, I gently put my right hand on his face. "Because I didn't want you to feel obligated to love me. I wanted you to make you're own choice. Even if it meant you weren't choosing me." I heard a break in his voice. I had so many emotions running through my head. but one was clear. I never stopped loving him either. "Bucky, I still love you. I never stopped. It's just in my head that you weren't you I guess. My mind made you into a memory that was a boyfriend that died. It's making sense now. I never moved on from this memory. I never tried to date anyone else when I was out in the real world with one memory. You." I looked up at him. He was a mess. Sad, angry, and a little happy that I never stopped loving him. "Rose" I cut him off and kissed him deeply. After a few moments he pulled away. "Now that the hard part is over, we can enjoy the rest of the trip. And finally, each other." He was smiling as he kissed my forehead. We were both broken people missing parts. But the missing part were each other. "Actually let's start by enjoying some dinner James." He laughed. He had a very cute laugh."And what would you like Rose?" he said starting for the hallway. "I don't know. Let's see whats in the kitchen." And off we went.