Whatever

This is something

I had a awful day yesterday. It was extremely sucky to the point where I just wanted to curl up and disappear for good. No I'm not suicidal, just lost. I kind of feel like I'm drowning but not at the same time.
I kick started my day with only two hours of sleep, not the smartest idea but I can't control it. I have really bad insomnia, I couldn't help it even if I tried. In fact I'm writing this when I should be asleep. Not like anyone cares I'll just be their puppet whenever they need me.
After I woke up I had to go straight to the doctors. The life of a sickly child is awesome. No it's not the Corona, just a follow up after I had some surgery. On the way there was fine, I'm not the most talkative but oh well. I just listened to my music while deciding to starve myself and not eat until dinner.
At the doctors office everything was fine, same old same old. I'm fine as far as infections go. I haven't gotten my labs back yet so I can only assume everything is okay. Strangely enough I haven't gotten overly sick here lately. Maybe I'm jinxing it though only a matter of time.
On the way back home I just had to speak and anger my mother. I don't know how I angered her but I did. She also probably took out some pent up anger from her job out on me. Like I said earlier she's a nurse so she's in the front of it. Not that I mind her yelling at me I'm not that sheltered. I'm used to it all now anyway.
At home it wasn't the best, I was so drained from the doctors that all I wanted to do was sleep. When I told my mother that my grandfather started yelling at me for being a lazy sack of shit and always sleeping. That was fun, it's like my whole existence angers him. I get it though, my own existence angers me as well. It's manageable as is. Not like I'd tell anyone else my problems. I don't want to burden anyone again.
Just a friendly reminder, I'm not suicidal. I did have suicidal tendencies but I am better now. I'm just lost. I'm confused honestly. I know where my heartache comes from so it's manageable. That's all anything is now, it's just fine. Not good, never great. Just okay, I do have some really low times though. It's been happening more lately but I'll mange just like always.
         This wasn't to brag about my hardships, it was just something I needed to get off my chest. I'll be the first to admit I have flaws but a little bit of flaws hasn't stopped me yet. This was something for myself. Now that we are here anyways, I have multiple anxiety disorders which I won't get into detail because I don't want to. I have insomnia which is always fun. I do have a suicidal tendency and I have been to hospitals and mental places because of it. That's all you need to know about me for now, maybe later I'll do like a meet the author type thing but for now I won't.