The Ballad of Yank the Dwarf

Yank the Frank

Yank woke up with a start. "Oh fuck who am I again?" "Why, you're Yank the Frank! The pissiest dwarf in the kingdom of Parksenrek!" A voice came from behind him. Yank swerved around to see a foot tall fairy throwing gang signs and moving to the beat. He had a tiny ass loot strapped to his back and mini timbs adorning his little feetsies. Shades covered his sparkly green eyes and a backwards baseball cap crowned his head. "Who the fuck are you?" Yank shouted in his hungover stupor. "I am Austin your bard pal yo. The king sent me to fetch you, he says he has a job for you."
"What? Why me?" Yank inquired. "Because you owe public service for driving your horse while drunk on the wrong side of the road." Austin said frankly. "Phbockh!" Yank exhaled.
    Yank finished preparing himself, putting on only good finest suit of armor, a brown leather jacket with skin tight leather pants, and headed out of the tavern.
Austin led Yank to the king's castle, a giant red keep with sprawling tobacco fields for as far as the eye can see. Yank had of course been here many times before, sneaking out tabacco to smoke cuz frankly the kings taxes on tobacco were totally ripping people off. They reached the front of the keep where two knights in shining leather armor stood with pitchforks at the ready. "Halt motherfuckers. State your business." The guard said. Yo its me Austin. I fetched this son of a bitch like the kings asked me to." Austin said, fluttering out from behind Yank. "Oh shit whaddup my G!" The guard said "pass on through I'll yet the king know your here."
The kings throne room was a mess, dirty platters of half eaten food laid strewn about, bologna stuck to the roof, and at the center of it all a grand red recliner sat, fat ass king fast asleep. "King Bernie we have fetched the drunk as you requested." The knight said, poking the dough-bellied king. "Huh? Who? What?" The king said sucking the drool back into his mouth. "Oh him. Uh I declare that as your community service you are to go save my daughter, princess Tanner. She is being held by the evil sorcerer Christopheles, so go kick his ass or some shit." And with that Yank and Austin were ushered out of the throne room and back into the  front lot. "Ok," the guard said. The Princess is being held in Christopheles' tower to the north. Past the town of Sugar Hollow, through the territory of Cable the Terrible, and the Bunny Forest of Doom. Once you get out of the forest you should be able to see the tower from there. Now off with you we have to go feed the king his morning Bologna sandwich."
Yank headed back to his hobble and prepared his horse, Worley the Scrag, for the long journey ahead. "Yo dawg we may need a cart in case we pick up some companions along the way." Austin suggested. "And how the fuck am I supposed to afford a cart with all this no money i have?" Grumbled Yank. "We just take one and say the king will pay for it." Austin said. "Wait the king will really do that?" Yank asked. "Heck no!" Austin laughed "We just say that so we get free shit."
"Bitchin I'm in!" Yank exclaimed. And so they won't and requisitioned a cart in the king's name and hooked it up to Worley, and set off for adventure, their first stop, the township of Sugar Hollow.