The Ballad of Yank the Dwarf

The Bunny Forest of Doom

The party traveled for another day before reaching the edge of the Bunny Forest of Doom. "So, why is it called the Bunny Forest of Doom?" Yank asked. "No clue," said Cable. "How can bunnies and doom be in the same sentence." "It's called the Bunny Forest of doom cuz theres a fuck ton of bunnies in the forest and no one who has entered the forest has ever reopened their eyes." Austin rapped. "So its not the bunnies that are dangerous it's what's in then forest that is?" Yank inquired. "I guess so," Clayman chimed in. The party would soon find out what really lied within the forest soon enough though, all too soon.
    The party had set up camp near a clearing and been asleep for a few hours when Cujo awoke to a rustling just outside the clearing. He let out a deep growl that woke both Clayman and Cable. They both looked over to see a herd of white bunnies on the edge of the clearing. The strange part was all of their eyes were glowing red in the moonlight and the forest was eerily silent. One bunny hopped forward towards Cujo, who slowly backed up behind Clayman. "What's the matter boy its just a little bunny." Clayman said punting the rabbit into a nearby tree. the bunny landed on the tree feet first and rebounded back into Clayman with the force of a bison, sending him flying back into Yank who woke up with an audible grunt.
    The rest of the bunnies started their charge, sinking their pointed teeth into Clayman. "Oh sweet Jesus they're vampires!" Clayman yelled. With this everyone was up and about, beating bunnies with various forms of weaponry and other bunnies. It was a bloody battle but in the end there was bunny themed viscera strewn all about the forest. "Tha Fock was all that shit about!" Yank yelled. "That was the vampire army of the Bunny Forest of Doom." Austin said plainly. "Wait you fockin knew about those things! And you didn't tell us!" Yank said grabbing the fairy by the torso. "You never asked." Austin choked out as he was being strangled. "You are so fockin lucky you work for the king or I would feed you feet first to that dragon!" Yank exclaimed.
The party then proceeded to get the fuck out of that murder forest and reached the end by the first few rays of sunlight at dawn. They were bloodied, bruised, beaten, and tired, but they had finally made it. Christopheles' tower loomed ominously in the distance, a grim reminder of the task they had laid before them. "Well now that that shit show is over I think we've earned a nap." Yank suggested. The rest of the party agreed and they sat underneath a tree at the edge of the forest and rested their weary bones, but Christopheles was watching.
Yank groggily awoke on a cold hard surface. He struggled to get his bearings before realizing he was in some sort of prison cell. Across the way sat Clayman and Cujo and next to them Cable. "Yo yo its about time you woke up diggity dawg." Austin said from the other side of the bars. "Austin hurry get me out of here!" Yank said, gripping the bars. "No can do daddy-o." Austin said shaking his head, "Christopheles needs you out of the picture so he can suck the magic outta those two hoes he captured so he can summon the almighty Michaelthulhu and lay waste to the land of Parksenrek." Austin explained. "One problem with that." A voice from behind Austin exclaimed. There was a loud CLAP as Clayman the Barbarian clapped his hands around Austin's tiny anointing head. There was a splatter of brain goo and mind juice as Austin's head was flattened like Princess Tanner's titties.
"And how the fuck did you get out." Yank asked annoyed that his face was now a modern art painting. "The dumbass left my cell unlocked." Clayman said picking up Austin's remains and feeding them to Cujo. "Alright let's go kick Christopheles' ass and get this community service over with I got a beer waitin for me back home." Yank said as his and Cable's cells were unlocked.
The party climbed to the top of the stairs where Christopheles was busy draining the princess and Wendy's life force to use for nefarious purposes. Having had enough of this shit Yank whipped out his Colt .45 and busted a cap in Christopheles' ass and ended the ceremony.
Wendy ran into the arms of her dragon lover who promised to raw dog her as soon as they got home, much to the dismay of Clayman. Princess Tanner ran and hugged the stout dwarf who had just saved her life and promised to marry him in exchange for safety back to the kingdom of Parksenrek.
The party headed home, having defeated Christopheles and saved the fair maidens from the grasp of evil. Cable and Wendy continued to have hot dragon sex and went on to have three half dragon babies who would go on to terrorize tobacco farmers for years to come. Clayman and Cujo joined the circus and made a killing. Yank and Princess Tanner returned to the kingdom to find King Bernie had passed away choking on a chicken wing, leaving Tanner and her new husband as the rulers of the kingdom, and thus King Yank issued in the golden age of Alcohol. The End.