The Ballad of Yank the Dwarf

Sugar Hollow

'Twas about a days journey from the capital when Yank and Austin came upon a enormous grizzly bear sleeping on the middle of the trail. Yank immediately stopped Worley and said, "is that a fucking bear? It looks like its been fed a diet of steroids and snorts protein power!" This statement woke the bear who turned his head towards the party. As the bear turned the faint sound of clopping could be heard from the woods. From the opposite side of the woods emerged an eight foot shirtless kilt wearing Goliath loudly clopping his stomach and laughing as he approached the party. "Well well well what in the hell brings y'all to my neck of the woods?" The Goliath asked. "I'm doin' my fockin' community service and saving the princess from the evil Christopheles." Yank explained. "Wait you're going to Christopheles' tower? As in the evil sorcerer who lives just past the territory of Cable the Terrible and the Bunny Forest of Doom?" The Goliath asked inquisitively. "Ye." Said Yank.
"Well hot dawg Cujo we found someone stupid enough to try and face Cable the Terrible." The Goliath said to the bear. The bear panted like a dog and went to nuzzle the behemoth of a man. "My name's Clayman the Barbarian and it looks like I'm gonna join y'all if you plan on facing Cable the Terrible. Me and him have some beef that needs solving." Clayman said cracking his knuckles and chuckling. "Fine hop in the cart, but the bear fockin walks." Yank said pointing to the massive beast apparently named Cujo. "Cujo, follow." Clayman announced as he issued a series of belly slaps that signaled for the bear to follow. And thus the party began on their journey once again with Austin singing the praises of Clayman the Barbarian all along the way, much to the dismay of Yank, but they would not get far before they reached another altercation in their journey.
There in the middle of the road danced a satyr singing "tally ho, tally hee would you like to play darts with me ,Jimmy?" "Hold on I got this" Clayman said as he stood up and issued a loud belly smack. "Sick him Cujo!" The satyr was caught off guard by the giant bear barreling towards him and didnt even have time to run before getting his throat ripped out by the mighty Cujo. There was a short gurgle as the life drained from the satyr's eyes. After Cujo had finished his meal they set off once more and eventually found themselves in the town of Sugar Hollow.
All the villagers hardly reacted to the bear following the party, so Yank figured Clayman must be a local to this part of town. "Hey where can I get some beer?" Asked Yank. "There's a tavern nearby that sells the best beer on this side of the forest." Clayman said pointing towards the east. "Oh sweet dawg I could use a pint myself." Said Austin fluttering around Yank's head. "You touch my beer and I will drown your ass." Said Yank plainly as Austin slumped back into his seat in the cart.
The tavern was a bustling old shack, filled with patrons of mostly human lineage, so needless to say the party stuck out like white girls  in Harlem, but the bartender served them nonetheless as they had money to spend. Yank paid for a room for the night, said fuck off the the rest of the party, and drank himself happily to sleep. Clayman slept outside with Austin and Cujo, using Cujo as a pillow. When they awoke they found an extra body spooning Clayman. "Who the fuck are you and why are you spooning me?" Clayman shouted. "Hi. I'm Paul." The disheveled man said. "Okay, but why were you spooning me?" Clayman asked getting ready to smack a bitch. "You had cute feet." Paul explained. And Clayman indeed did smack a bitch that day. "Come on Cujo you dont want any of whatever that is in your stomach, it probably has diseases." Clayman said walking away from the pile of pulp that used to be Paul.
Yank woke up hungover as fuck and stumbled down the stairs "Water!" He shouted. "Fuck it get me some eggs too!" Yank ate his breakfast and drank like a gallon of water and went outside to see Clayman burning his kilt, buck ass naked in the street. "Hey, we need to go kilt shopping." Clayman said. "The fuck happened here?" Yank asked. "Paul happened." Clayman said with a thousand yard stare.
"That fire's nice and all, but it needs a little something more." A tall balding man in his late sixties said tossing a small bag into the fire. "And who the fuck are you now?" Clayman asked getting pissed at the sudden visitor. "Name's Terry, I run the apothecary here in town, I saw the smoke and came to check it out, I never miss a chance to blaze some reefer." Terry explained as the party started to feel lightheaded and hungry.
"Yo dawg I could like totally go for some banana bread right now." sung Austin. "Well it just so happens I have some delicious banana bread at my apothecary." Terry chimed in. "Not bad price either follow me." He said as he led the party to his apothecary. They were there for about four hours before they regained control of their bearings and remembered Yank's community service and took their leave.