pain & misery

257

pov: Teresa Lisbon
I straightened my body posture before I walked into the hospital. "Good evening, my name is Teresa Lisbon. I want to visit my brother Thomas Lisbon.", I said, trying to hide my shaking voice. "Ah yes, good evening Miss Lisbon, your brother lies in room 257. It's on the second floor on the right." "Okay, thank you very much!", I answered nervous, but thankful to have a nice receptionist , knowing this often wasn't the case.
I took the stairs, step by step my emotions got more uncontrollable. The mixture of sadness, anger, overwhelm and fear took over my thinking. I turned right and walked, until I stood in front of a white door with the black number 257 on it. I took a deep breath before I pushed down the door handle with a racing heart.

-

pov: Patrick Jane
The elevator doors opened with a ping and I walked straight to my couch in the bullpen. „How is Lisbon?", Van Pelt asked as I sat down. "She will get through it. She is just very stressed at the moment and simply had a breakdown", I informed the team, trying to sound as harmless as possible, even though I knew it wasn't that simple. "I'll go visit her", Grace said, putting on her jacket. "Eh, she doesn't want visitors at the moment. She needs to rest anyway", I said, lying down on my couch. Van Pelt nodded and changed concerned but also understanding looks with Rigsby and Cho.
Right as I closed my eyes, the picture of Lisbon blazed up my mind. Her otherwise so sparkling emerald green eyes, were dull and without any sign of life. The tears in her eyes were the only thing, which brought back a little bit of the shine in them.
I tried to push the terrible memory away to all the others. Finally I did it and drifted into an uneasy sleep.

-

pov: Teresa Lisbon
I entered the big, white room. It felt oppressive and made me uncomfortable, but I had no choice. I took a step into the room, when my look fell onto the bed. Tommy laid motionless on the white bed with the white sheets. Everywhere were monitors and cables, a big tube placed inside his throat. Seeing Tommy like this made me nauseous.
I took step after step, slowly walking to his bed. Flowers stand on the little side table, a chair beside it. Tommy's face was pale, watching him like this, it was nearly unbelievable he was still alive. I took the chair with shaking hands and sat beside Tommy. Tears formed in my eyes, but I tried to blink them away.
Why him? Was the only question that rotated in my mind since the phone call. I lost my mum in a car crash, I couldn't loose him like that too. A tear streamed down my face and I couldn't even put myself together to wipe it away. I needed help.
Sniffing I dialed Jane's phone number, hoping he would take off.

-

pov: Patrick Jane
It was the second time that day, my phone teared me out of my sleep, and again, it was Lisbon. Realizing that, I got wide awake and answered the phone. "I need your help", Lisbon's quavering voice got to my ear. She definitely had cried and just the thought of that ripped my heart apart. "Any time Lisbon. What's the matter?" "I got discharged from the hospital and drove directly to Tommy. I-", she stuttered, "I need you here. Can you come to the hospital?" I knew how hard it was for her to ask for help and show how broken she was. "Of course, Lisbon. Already on my way. We will get through this, okay?" I heard Lisbon sighing. "Thank you, Jane", "Not for that", I said with a slight smile, already walking out of the bullpen.

-

pov: Teresa Lisbon
I took a deep breath as I hung up the phone. Slowly, I let out the air, trying to relax. Jane would be there soon, everything would be alright. I wiped my face, trying to cover up the fact that I had cried. Again my eyes got stuck on Tommy's face. Scratches, wounds and cables were the only thing I could see, I didn't even recognize Tommy that way. It was all my fault.
Suddenly the door opened. Jane? No. It was Annabeth, followed by James. "Teresa", Annie nearly whispered. "I am so sorry, Annie", I muttered in her hair as I hugged her tightly. After a while I took a step back, putting my hands on her shoulders. Her eyes were filled with tears and mine began to form some too. I didn't want to cry again so I looked at Jimmy instead. I could see the big pain in his face and hugged him too whereby I avoided his looks.

Silence filled the room. Everybody was stuck in their own thoughts. My head ringed, I couldn't stay in that room anymore. The sterile white made me uncomfortable and I couldn't stand the fact why I was there. I excused myself with a shaky voice, leaving the two alone with Tommy.
Right as I left the room, a tear rolled down my cheek. Hastily I wiped it away. I didn't know where to go, but I just wanted to leave this room, this hospital, preferably this whole planet.
I turned around and bumped in someone a bit rughly. "Sorry", I mumbled, keeping my head down, wanting to move past the person. "Teresa.", the familiar voice gave me goosebumps. It was Jane. He grabbed my arm and looked me deep in the eyes. "I can't stay here", I explained, turning my face away. "Okay", Jane said calmly, "Where do you want to go?", "I don't know", I admitted truly, starting to tear up. "Hey, Lisbon", he said, starting to rub my back, "It's going to be okay". I couldn't stop it and a tear rolled down my cheek. I wanted to wipe it away, but Jane pulled me in a hug, tight and warm.
-
pov: Patrick Jane
Lisbon kept her head down the whole time, she tried to flee my looks and I knew exactly why. As a tear streamed down her face, I pulled her in a tight hug. I wrapped my arms around her body, Lisbon's face buried in my shoulder. Slowly, Lisbon's tense body started to relax in my arms. I had never seen her so fragile and in so much pain. When I felt how Lisbon started to shake a bit, my heart broke in thousand pieces. I continued to rub and pat her back. That's how I stood, in the middle of a hospital corridor, with a sobbing Lisbon in my arms. I knew how incredibly hard it was for her to show her emotions, that's why I appreciated it even more that I could give her the needed support.
After a while Lisbon seemed to have calmed down and she, sadly, let go off the hug. She smiled at me, weakly, I could see the immense pain in her red eyes. "Sorry for that", Lisbon said, pointing to the now soaked wet part on my suit. "Oh Lisbon", I shook my head grinning. "It's going to be fine, okay?", I tried to encourage her. I looked her in the eyes and I seemed to see them sparkle a little again. "It's going to be alright", I said quietly. She nodded, clearly appreciating my speech. "Do you want to go in there again?", I asked carefully, not sure if she felt ready. "Yes, I do.", she said, still with a slightly shaking voice, wiping away her tears. I put my hand gently on the small of Lisbon's back, guiding her through the door. With new courage and me on her side we entered the hospital room 257.