By The Grace of You

2

To endanger not only themselves, but someone else by driving drunk is something I can't wrap my head around. When dad got home with Hope, my older sister, he sat with me for a long time. When mom filled them both in on what happened, I could hear the shock in dad's voice. Hope stayed silent which I expected because that is how she processes bad news.

A week later, mom told me that we were going to visit Ella's parents soon, Cara and Oliver. Those past few days were the worst I could remember. I was reprimanded multiple times because I wasn't eating and I wasn't listening to anything anyone said. I've had attitudes with anyone who looked at me for absolutely no reason. I didn't care what came out of my mouth because I wanted to be angry. I wanted to break every last thing in my house. I couldn't do any of it anymore, or that's what I thought at the time.

"I know you're hurting and don't want to go anywhere, especially to the house Ella lived in but her family is hurting too. It may not help your pain right now, but being together will be worth it." Mom had nothing but sympathy in her voice.

I have no opposition for seeing Ella's parents, it's just the house. I've been there so many times for Ella. Her face, her personality is all over this house and now her spirit will be the greatest presence of all. I can't do this, I've said this in my mind a million times since that day. How am I expected to be okay without her? She was forcefully taken from us while doing something so harmless. Taking out the trash for crying out loud! It breaks me to think about her mom and dad, her family is torn. What can I say to ever heal their pain? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I've missed school for that whole week but I went back that Monday. Something I absolutely dreaded because I knew all people would be talking about was Ella and the accident. We were inseparable, especially at school. I mean we did have other friends, mutual and non mutual, but she was alway the one I was with. In that beginning time period of being without Ella, I had to take one hardship at a time. Seeing her mom was definitely one of them.

When we arrived outside of the house, my chest felt tight. I let myself believe for a quick second that this was a normal day. I was going to step into the house and go straight to Ella's room. I was going to see her, she would smile at me and we'd pick up where we'd left off. Doing this destroyed another piece of me but for the sake of Cara, Oliver, and Ethan, I put away those emotions.

"I've got you, now and forever." My sister said and grabbed my hand just before we went in.
My relationship with Hope has always been okay, not the best but okay. Ever since Ella died, she always checked up on me and still does to this day. Walking into the house, it gets harder and harder to breathe but I know we have to be strong, for Cara and her family.

I won't go into much detail about the amount of tears we all shed that night but I definitely felt the love in that house.
Fast forward to Monday, my first day back at school. I skipped the first period because I just wasn't ready to go in yet. I stayed in the counselor's office so I don't know if that really classified as skipping because someone in charge knew where I was. Ella and I were Juniors in High School nothing special really. She was in the play that year, I was the stage crew. Everyone knew her, everyone loved her. I love her.

The counselor kindly kicked me out by second period which meant I had to go to class. Walking to math, I had to pass Ella's locker and though I tried so hard not to look I couldn't help but notice all of the notes, flowers and teddy bears on or around it. My heart broke again.