peterick smut//br41n v0m1t

Being a vampire is better than having a tape worm

my love for vampires and van days fob needs to collide so here we go, also my h8rs of top patrick im not sorry lmao ig im exposing 1 of my biggest kinks here ;)

Patrick's theory starts here. It's hot, the van's AC broke months ago, so this is normal. Patrick glances around the van, his eyes catching Pete. He's napping, which would be normal if it was not nine am and the person sleeping was not Pete. Pete was an insomniac, and napping was out of the question for someone like Pete. Joe was listening to music and Andy was driving and no one was talking about the fact that this was the third week where Pete had slept through the whole day. 

It might be the fact that all there is is barren roads and stale air that gets Patrick's mind wandering, or maybe his ADHD that he struggled with since he was a child...No, it was one hundred percent the fact that Pete made him watch Lost Boys twice last week, but he's thinking. Once a year Patrick has a good idea and if the band or his family was lucky, it was a good one. Patrick looks at the information he has gathered spending most of the time with Pete.

He's very, very pale for a bi-racial man, which is strange because Patrick has seen his childhood photos and he's not that pale. Pete also has an obsession with anything blood, vampires and horror. Which is a normal thing for the people who populate the emo subculture, and Pete being there -so called- leader, must indorse. Patrick has also caught him ordering meat as rare as he can get it at diners when the band decides to treat themselves to a meal that wasn't truck stop jerky with a side of Doritos stored in Joe's  sweat-covered hoodie. This was strange because Pete had become vegetarian not to long ago. As far as Patrick's fried, nineteen year old brain knew, raw diner steak wasn't vegetarian, but it was a way to get E Coli. Another thing Pete had that added to Patrick's thoughts was his teeth. That fucker's teeth were clean, white, large and sharp. 

So, you're probably wondering, Patrick, what does this mean? Well, you INCEL, it means that Peter Lewis Kingston Wentz the Third is vampire.

Now, Patrick knows, he knows, that this is a stretch. But, come on, it makes sense. No one willingly sleeps during the day and orders raw diner meat. Well, maybe Pete...

They arrive at the venue, and it's simple protocol to stuff as much van-trash (the trash that litters the floor) into Pete's - still very much asleep- mouth until he wakes up. Joe loses, he wakes the bassist up by dropping a full can of Bang Energy on his forehead. They enter the club for sound check, and since Joe woke up the alleged vampire, he has to carry the drum set and speakers. The show goes surprisingly well, and the band have enough money for motel rooms and a Denny's dinner. Patrick can't stop thinking about when Pete whispered the lyrics in his neck during the show, that his breath smelt like copper and sour cream and onion chips. The chips were normal, but copper...

A week later and Patrick is even more suspicious of Pete's less-than-living behavior. He's acting like a normal Pete Wentz would, he had sex with girl from MySpace and swallowed half a glow stick, don't worry. But Patrick is still suspect of his vampiral actions. Maybe, he's having a manic episode, or Joe and Pete's banter finally broke him. Or, he's in a mental hospital and the drugs are making him dream up the whole band and a vampire situation. Even that's a stretch. Patrick borrows (steals) Andy's laptop and does his research.

The singer is in the very back, towel rapped around his bare chest because he has the sweatiest ass on this side of Lake Erie. The lap top is propped up on his lap and he's doing enough google entires to have the software crash. Maybe Pete got a tape worm or some strange STD from one of his many scene girl hook-ups that made him want to eat raw meat and avoid garlic. Maybe the STD was in control of Pete, because everyone knows he only ever thinks with his dick. So, Patrick googles vampire std, sexually transmitted tape worms and reasons for craving raw meat. For personal reasons, Patrick will now need to be re-baptized and go to confession for what he has burned into Andy's search history. He was already on-the-fence about vagina, and now he's confirmed that Patrick has decided to convert to homosexuality. Jesus Christ.