How to Top

32 :: temporary & permanent

there's actually 6 chaps left
until the epilogue ):

♡♡♡

The Kim Taehyung he used to know wasn't a fuck-up.

He was careful, considerate. He dedicated himself to working hard, to chase his dreams of getting into a good school because there was nothing else that concerned him. All he was focused on was blending in, blurring into the crowds of faces because every second in his life he stuck out.

And once those people noticed him, they were cruel. Called him ugly. Made sure his life was a living hell even though all he did was exist.

So Taehyung always played it safe. Always played it nice. He wanted to be the good guy, the one that everyone could trust. He wanted to be liked, even though his looks back then stripped him of an easy chance.

He kept his friend circle closed, never letting anyone in without being sure. He was good at school, did his job well. He helped others every chance he had, and in return, he was nice to everyone even if they were rude to him because he told himself every single day that he would never stoop so low.

But look at him now.

The Kim Taehyung he used to know was not like this. Rash, indecisive, cruel, or full of overwhelming regret and guilt that left his head spinning, stomach churning— nauseous.

Surely, the old Kim Taehyung also didn't go around kissing boys that weren't his boyfriends.

Boys that weren't Jeon Jeongguk.

Fuck, after they were caught, he couldn't breathe. It started off with quiet swears and shaking his head over until his vision blurred, then suddenly he was blinking back tears, hot, angry tears directed mostly at himself for being so goddamn stupid.

He still couldn't feel his chest. It was airy, tight, all of the oxygen inside of his lungs nonexistent as though he didn't deserve to breathe. He didn't deserve shif because he cheated. He was a cheater.

Taehyung had never stooped this low in his entire life, and as much as he wanted to cry, and scream at the world for being unfair, this was his fault.

All of this was his fucking fault.

Jimin didn't talk to him after Yuta left. The older merely stared at the floor, trembling with quiet rage, not daring to meet Taehyung's eyes. When he tried to touch him, to pat his shoulder, Jimin swatted him away.

"You should leave," Jimin exhaled shakily, nostrils flaring and eyes fixed down on the carpet. "F-fuck, we n-need to tell Jeongguk."

"J-Jimin, I'm sorry," He whispered, words wavering, breaking apart on his tongue. "I-I'm so sorry."

"I-It's not me you should be apologizing too," The older sat up, staring back at him, eyes heavy with pain. Disappointment. Taehyung nodded numbly as he got off the couch.

"You need to leave." And so, he did.

He went back to the dorm; it was all that he had. Of course, there was no way he was going to Hoseok and Jin, knowing they would be mad at Jeongguk when really, the younger did nothing, but those two would side with him any day.