YOURS

Chapter 17

COLE'S POV

"I don't feel safe." Emily sighed.

"Because of me?" I asked.

"Because of everything." Her voice was depressing.

"Am I making it worse?" I mirrored her tone.

"No, but the voices you hear scare me. I can see you turning into who you were before. I'm scared of you." I felt my heart drop.

There was pounding against my head. It was coming from the inside. Something was trying to make it's way to the front of my brain, trying to take over my thoughts. It wasn't me.

She's afraid of me. I'm trying to be better - trying to change and be someone normal! I'm trying to protect her! I'm trying to be anything but who I was at the cabin and she's still not seeing that!?

I let out a big breath. An angry huff that was filled with resentment for my time here.

You should've taken care of her when you had the chance back in the woods. You wouldn't be here now if you did. You're a coward. The voices in my head leaked through the wall I had spent so long trying to keep sealed.

"But I don't want to be." She said.

I looked up into her glossy eyes. She meant it. She was trying too, for me. To be normal to the best of her ability under the circumstances we're in.

Just then I felt my heart start to beat at a steady speed again. There was hope to be accepted, to be thought of as good, there was hope to redeem myself. 

I think.

I pushed away the heavy voices running around my mind.

Our foreheads were together. I wasn't moving and nether was Emily. Our breath was mixing and the space between our eyes was little to none. I could see deep into the dark circle that was her pupil. Her eyes a dark shade of green, probably best to call them hazel.

She might not feel safe around me, but I did with her. I could sense the calmness through the looks she gave me. No matter how she actually felt, angry, sad, scared, or rebellious, she was always calm. Not including her time at the cabin, that wasn't her. The real her. That is what she had to do to survive.

I hope she sees that in me. I was not me there. Not who I want to be. That is who I had to be to survive. I don't blame her for being scared of me, I am too.

EMILY'S POV

"But I don't want to be." I said.

I was waiting on Cole's response.

His posture relaxed a bit more after a few seconds of silence.

He looked into my eyes as if he was reading something in them. What could he be thinking? More importantly was it him thinking? Or the voices that spoke for him sometimes?

"Don't.." Cole began to speak.

He took another long pause.

A small feeling of anxiety washed over me as I replayed the first day I arrived at the cabin. The first thing Cole ever said to me was "Don't"

Say something else. Please say something else. Make this moment better than the one I'm reminded of. I begged him in my head.

One of his hands left mine and touched my cheek. His eyes closed but I kept mine open.

What was he doing?

He let out a small breath. The breath brushed against my lips. 

Cole shifted his head and his nose touched mine. He leaned slightly to the right and I followed leaning the opposite way.

Was he going to...kiss me?

I closed my eyes. My stomach turned and mind mind starting racing. This wound be my first kiss. I don't include what happened with Zac - even just the thought of what happened in the basement with him when he kept me tied up down there sent me into what I can only think what a seizure feels like.

He took a deep breath in and backed away putting his hands on the key to start his car.

"I'll change your mind." He cleared his throat.

I made a small nod and put on my seat belt. He didn't kiss me.

Was this relief I feel? Or was this the feeling of left wanting more?

My head hurt thinking about what almost happened. There was no way that would've been a good idea. Absolutely not. Not with Cole. I was caught up in the moment.

Cole turned the key and the car started. He drove me home. It was silent the whole way. This is what our car rides together was becoming. Awkward was the perfect word to describe it.

When I got home it was about 5 pm. I watched Cole as he pulled out of the driveway and down the road towards his apartment.

Helen and Mark weren't home yet and probably wouldn't be for a while, late nights were something I was use to. It wasn't a problem when I had a driver - he doubled as a body guard.

The FBI was still waiting to see if another "hit" was going to take place. My driver Tom was still classified as missing. I wondered if he was really missing..or dead? Could he still be alive and well?

My project for school needed some work that I didn't get done so I decided to work on that for a while. It was 6:30pm when my phone buzzed.

"Are you hungry?" It was from Cole.

"Why?" I asked before giving him an answer.

"Let me in." He replied.

What? I got up from my bed and looked out my window. There he stood. Cole held up a white paper bag that showed the words "In n Out"

I laughed to myself.

I moved my head to let him know to go to the front door. I unlocked it and let him in.

"Where's your car?" I asked as I looked around before shutting the door.

He didn't park in the driveway - or anywhere I could see.

"I parked down the road. Figured I'd be here for a while and I don't want your 'parents' to kick me out before I'm ready to leave." He winked. That was unsettling.

I rolled my eyes behind his back. Part of me felt the alarms going off in my head

He didn't ask to come over.
He forced himself in.
He is planning on staying for while.

Another part of me felt the happy chemicals release and silence the alarms.

He brought you food.
He thought about you.
He doesn't want to get you in trouble with Helen and Mark.

I was conflicted on my feelings. Would I still feel this confused after everything was over and I never saw Cole again?

We made it up the stairs and to my room. I cleared my notebooks from my bed and we sat on top of it and began eating our food.

"How'd you know my order?" I said remembering last time I ordered and brought the food to him.

"I just got what looked good, honestly." Cole said shoving a fry into his mouth.

We both jumped up from my bed.

The house security alarm started blaring. Someone broke in.