Royal Renegade

Chapter 52: I Belong Here

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Princess Axelia

Father.

All he had to do was surrender but his pride has stolen the life of my only parent.

Shutting my eyes, I swim to the bottom of the small lake at the waterfall where Leo and I shared our first kiss. The clear waters are warm enough that I won't get sick.

While I don't often swimming in lakes naked, I couldn't resist the urge since I'm alone.

I need to rinse my skin of Cadomian blood.

The lake is still as beautiful as before with little turtles and fish minding their own business and they don't have an interest in me like they did when Leo was here.

Leo.

I thought for a moment I would finally see how dangerous he can be. Elytis' grip on me assured my life would be at risk if I got anywhere near him. His eyes were so dark, skin pale and painted in streaks of purple veins. I thought I could hear my father's bones crack in his grip.

In all of our years fighting, he's never shown that side of him.

As scary as it was, I don't blame him. Leonidas has been surviving my father's threats since he was just a boy. Anyone in his shoes would have reacted the same way.

It doesn't make him a monster.

The fact that he stopped was shocking. His mother and the Royal Court weren't going to stand in his way if he chose to suck the life from my father. Not even I would have.

Somehow, even in his worst state, he found the strength to resist.

He still doesn't know that I remember everything; him.

Part of me wants to keep it a secret. The memories have returned but I'm not exactly the Xeli he remembers, nor am I fully the Axelia he has now gotten to know.

I'm someone in between; almost a stranger to myself.

How will people expect me to be now that this war is over?

Who do I want to be?

When I return to Cadomia the people will surely hate me more than before. So many of their husbands died in this war and their King lost. Of course I am still his heir but when people find out about Leo and I they will label me a traitor.

Royal Renegade will be what they whisper and call me behind my back.

Can I rule a Kingdom of people I betrayed?

My heart feels strained with every beat as my emotions hit me like waves.

To hide the sounds of my sobs, I come up for air in the small space behind the waterfall's cascade.

Maybe I should run away.

If I flee, I won't have to face Cadomia. I won't have to be a Princess anymore and I could change my name altogether. I could create a new identity and pretend this one never happened.

Shamefully but willingly, I could forget my mother's death, Cadomia, all the trauma from my father's abuse and neglect, the insecurities, the fear and loneliness; I could ask Cassius to make me forget it all.

He did it for my father but then-- Leonidas.

Do I love him enough to stay?

For what seems like hours, I remain under water or behind the waterfall. My skin is as pruned as a raisin by the time I finally swim to the shore of the lake where I left my clothes and Shadow.