moon.

the end.

hey, it's been a while.

A long while.

I think I did this because I'm falling again. Or I already fell.

But I created another account. I kinda regret it. 

I feel weird. Like one of the people I would always judge in middle school. and I think it's stopping me from being who I want to be. and I think it's making my fall worse? idk. i'm probably going to delete it. before I created the account, I was happy how I was. I started liking another band, but it didn't make me feel bad. Before this account, i felt good about liking them. but they're great. i love them. their music makes me feel better. 

yeah, I'm going to delete it. 

But i think I'm going to send you these first.

I know it's stupid. but I want for you to see these. I want for you to know I'm okay.

I know you probably don't care anymore, I'll be glad if you don't. You shouldn't. It's almost been two years and we were only friends for two months maybe. And I know me writing this may make me seem crazy, but I'm not. this is the first time I've thought about you since the last time I wrote one of these. and i was just wondering how you were. cause it's been a while. i think that our friendship affected me the way it did because of everything that happened because of it. to you, a friend just went dark. to me, a lot of things changed. so if you're looking at this and thinking 'who tf is she,' well, you're doing alright. 

oh god, what if you don't remember me. these will be so weird lmao. 

I hope you don't think i'm weird because of these. 

you probably will.

I would.

(btw, between the last one I wrote and this one, theres about a year gap)

I don't think our friendship was good for me. it wasn't you, it was just how I did it. too many secrets, too many lies. 

i got a boyfriend. it lasted for almost four months. broke up on my old friends birthday lol. he was sorta a twig. very lengthy. at the time i thought he was nice, but now all i can think about is how weird he is. and he still texts me every once in a while *gags* (it was quite small too, if you know what I mean) (lmao i just exposed him). he stopped loving me, i think. he said i was holding him back, asked if i ever thought about seeing other people. i ended it before he could hurt me, but he was on vacation at the time so we called it a mutual thing (yet he still tells people he broke up with me). long story. but i wasn't that upset. yes, i cried a lot before it happened, but afterwards, i felt free. I think i was in love with the idea of him more so than him. 

I got promoted.

i bought a car. by myself. pretty proud of it. 

almost died my hair pink (just strips, not the whole thing). 

still love hs, was going to see him live this summer, but ya know, rona. i don't obsess about them anymore as much as I used to, but quarantine has made it start back up again. i still believe they were together but i don't obsess about it anymore. I honestly don't even care. they can love whoever the fuck they want and i will still support them all 100%. my favorite songs off fl are to be so lonely, golden, she (although all of them are bops). I feel like i also have more of a fashion sense than just tshirts everyday but you never know lol. i also like harry more now than I like one direction. i don't necessarily want them to get back together. okay I'm not saying I wouldnt be happy if they did, but i don't feel like they need to. it was a thing of the past. i'm also thinking more lately. which is weird. but I like it. i feel sophisticated. (sorry I rambled a bit). but I'm definitely more just a harry fan than a one direction fan, ya know? (also pls don't judge me for anything else on this account lmao).

only one more year left. 

think i'm going to try and major in something with the entertainment industry (like management or something since i have no actual talent) (and that includes like music or sports or something. i just know i wanna do something fun that doesn't involve math).

The year we were friends, I was a mess. that year was a mess. but i've grown from it.

I think that you'll always have a place in my heart. i know you may not think the same, but i think you just represented something more. i was put back in my place.

anyways,

just wanted to let you know I was okay.

after everything, I'm actually okay.

I still can't talk to you, i want to keep at least one promise to myself.

i hope your life lives up to what you want it to be. you deserve only the best.

gosh, these will be so weird if you don't remember me. 

maybe we'll meet again someday, who knows. 

lmao you're probably going to think I'm weird as fuck.

toodles,

a.