Code Words - iNabber × James Marriott

Past Fantasies

I felt extraordinarily insecure, my hair slicked back for the first time in close to five years, and an irritatingly short suit covering my body. It was rather obvious I hadn't worn it in a long time, but hopefully Fraser would squeeze a laugh out of it.

I walked quickly so that his chocolates wouldn't melt, but in London I suppose that wasn't much of an issue. I took in a deep breath and caught a whiff of the roses in my other hand. Not only was this gesture costing me an insane amount of money, but also my dignity. And the fact that if anyone saw me dressed like this again, I would never escape the word 'tory' in my Twitter mentions.

I'd called Fraser and let him know that I was on my way, so I knew I wasn't intruding. I was excited for him to see my surprise, though. Hopefully putting in all that effort would make my mate realise how much I cared about him.

As I walked towards Fraser's door, I felt as though I might collapse on the spot. Not only was Fraser angry at me, but I was pretty well making a declaration of love, something I hadn't done in an embarrassingly long time.

A declaration of love to my best friend, what an odd situation.

A sudden wave of self awareness hit me. My best friend, someone who I had lived with, and always loved in a completely different way, had been my sexual partner. And now, if all went well, he would become my romantic partner. I was absolutely sure that that was what I wanted, but the absurdity of the situation had yet to sink in until that moment.

I gathered all of my thoughts together, and sweeped them all to one side of my brain; I couldn't afford to be distracted or nervous if I wanted to bring my A game.

I held up my gifts for Fraser in one hand, took in one last breath of the silence basking outside his flat, and used my other hand to gently knock on the door.

After a few seconds, and what sounded like the whoosh of either deodorant or hair spray, the door fiddled its way open and I was presented with the man I had set out to impress.

He looked me up and down, catching eye of the roses and chocolates as he did so.

"What's... all this?" he sounded skeptical, leading me to realise that this was not about to go the way I'd intended it to.

"I wanted to make a big gesture to show you how serious I am about us being together, and to show you that I'm not after anyone but you," I scrambled to find the right words, but believed I did well in my response.

Fraser simply sighed and gestured towards the inside of his flat, so I followed his hand and he closed the door behind me.

I turned around to face my friend and he raised an eyebrow to suggest I continue.

"The other night, you seemed really angry. And then I talked to Alex and-"

Fraser cut me off with a laugh.

"Because Alex's love life is so together right now?" he scoffed, "I didn't think you wanted to tell the others anyway."

"Well... I told him... in a very roundabout way," I trailed off slightly.

"See?" Fraser's voice grew louder, as did my fear, "You haven't changed in a day, it doesn't work like that. You're still afraid as you were before, just this time you have flowers and are wearing a suit two sizes too small. This isn't a movie, James. This isn't some epic romance. This is a real person, with his real best friend, who he's in love with, being told he isn't worth showing off to their friends, but is worth a few chocolates. I've waited so long for you to feel this way, and now I realise I was right to begin with; you never cared about me, you like fooling around with me."

My heart had already been racing, because I was terrified, but suddenly the cause had changed. There were some things in Fraser's mini rant that it took a few moments for me to register. First, in love? And secondly, how long had he waited?

"Fraser..." I walked closer to him, an inquisitive look on my face, "How long have you waited exactly?"

"I-" he took a step back, and took his glasses off in order to lay his face in his other hand, "Maybe a year?"

And that's when everything made sense. Every single fucking thing. Fraser was scared. He had waited for this for so long, and I had never reciprocated, because I had never even considered it. And yet there I was, chocolate and flowers in hand, making something that he'd only ever dreamt of become a reality. Of course he wouldn't believe me, of course, to him, he was only worth sex. Because he'd never been the object of my affection before.

"Fraser," I went to grab his arm, but he stepped back once again, so I decided now wasn't the time to grill him about past fantasies, "Fraser, I want to tell our friends. But I also want to be sure about us first. I don't want the rest of the group involved in our story. And no, this isn't a movie, but these gestures still mean something. They mean I will go out of my way for you, and they mean that this isn't just sex. I'm sorry that I've never showed this towards you, but I'm showing it now. Can that please be enough?"

Fraser sighed and put his glasses back on.

"Take me out," he said seriously, "We won't tell anyone, no one else gets involved. But show me that you're telling the truth."

I ran over to my best friend, cupped his face in my hands, and planted a rather long kiss on his lips. He reciprocated, leading me to believe that our feud had ended.

"Would you like some Nando's?" he laughed.

//I really like this chapter tbh, story is almost over tho :(