FINDING MY TRUE SELF

CHAPTER 15

"Desire" my mum shouted.i then realised ive been standing at d same spot for a long time.i didnt even know when mum arrived.i could see the eyes of halima and the twins staring at me.i was so lost in thought that i didnt even realise when they came. since aunt fisayo and her sons were no longer here i guessed they must have gone to their room.

"are you okay" mum asked me. she could sense something was wrong.i assured her i was fine and i went to my room. i was on the bed lying down and thinking if i should tell mum or not.just then haleema came into my room.

"are you okay "she asked with concern in her eyes. "you know you can tell me everything"and then i started to cry and i decided to tell her everything.i told her about the way i was maltreated in aunt fisayo's house.i told her how i was beaten up almost every day and how they will treat my wound so that nobody would find out. i was crying at this point and i was on the verge of having an asthma attack. she passed me my inhaler and i calmed down. Then she said

"we have to tell this to mum.those people do not deserve to be in this house."
She dragged me to mums room and we entered.I repeated everything I said again but my mums reaction shocked me the most.She didnt seem surprised at all.                                                                                                               She looked at me calmly and said"i know about this.when u came home that fateful day ,I saw the marks onyour thigh.you were asleep and you didnt know when i came to check on you.i immediately called your aunt and she admitted to disciplining you.she told me that you were rude and you needed to be corrected. I told her i understood and left it as that.I didnt know it was that bad."

i was soo surprised.Mum knew about this three years ago and she did nothing.

"You didnt know it was that bad?You know how Desire is emotionally and you just decided to leave it like that.Didnt you realise how it will affect her emotionally.im sorry mum but im dissapointed in you"she was cut off with a slap.

"you wont get to talk to me like that.im still the one who gave birth to the both of you  and you have to respect me"

"yeah right." Haleema said with disdain written all over her face

i didnt put much meaning into what haleema said .i just quietly slipped out of mums room and went to bed.i thought about how i was the cause of haleema and mums fight.

i am always the cause of everything.I am the reason why my aunt will be thrown out of this house tomorrow and now mum and haleema are fighting because of me.nobody loves me.i dont think i deserve to live.

"Stop it Desire.Stop having those thoughts . Allah loves you " A voice within me said

i have not had suicidal thoughts for the past three years.i was hoping i was getting better.

I layed on the bed and before I knew it I was asleep.

Sorry for not uploading a chapter earlier
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