sᴀᴠᴇ ᴍᴇ 〢 ᴄʜᴀᴇ ʜʏᴜɴɢᴡᴏɴ 〢

S E V E N T E E N

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Jung Miyoung

I awoke to an empty bed. My limbs were sprawled over Hyungwon's deserted mattress, entangled in his sheets. It was still night time. I sat up and padded barefoot in the living room, which was as dark and as still as we left it

"Miyoung"

I whirled around. Hyungwon stood in the inky room, clutching a set of keys

"I need to get out of here"

Minutes later, we were in my car, and Hyungwon was speeding along a deserted highway. The windows were open, the humid summer wind whipping at my hair. Hyungwon had one hand on the steering wheel and another draped on the frame of the window. His hair was wind blown and his eyes were deep and dark.

"Where are you taking me?"

"You'll see"

We didn't drive for long because we were going so fast. We stopped at the edge of a cliff, overlooking our town. He killed the engine and I stepped out of the car after him. I followed him to the very edge of the cliff, far away from the city lights. It was like a partition between civilization and the stars hanging in the sky

We stood in silence for a moment, before Hyungwon spoke

"My dad uses to take me her. We would sit here at the edge and identify the constellations"

He raised his arms and pointed at a set of stars

"See? That's the bug dipper"

I followed the direction of his finger and detected the constellation

"My father didn't scare me when he hit me. I learned to take it. I wanted to please him. The only time I was afraid of him was when he hit my mother, and afterwards felt no remorse"

My throat constricted as I looked at him sideways. His features were blank

"My mother was always a timid woman. She's beautiful, and one of the nicest people there is. But she was always so insecure and unsure of herself. My father took advantage of that"

Hyungwon didn't break his gaze away from the glittering stars. They were so bright that night, and had never been so close to them

"He knew about her anxiety disorder. He knew about her panic attacks. She never had many friends because of it, so it made it easy for him to isolate her from everyone. When he hit her, she would blame herself. When he hit me, she blamed herself too. But she couldn't leave him. He made her quit her job, she had no income"

Hyungwon chuckled humourlessly

"You know.. she gets nightmare too. But she gets them so often she doesn't even scream anymore. She never wakes up when I have nightmares because she's such a heavy sleeper"

I tugged at the sleeves of my pajamas. This was it, he was revealing his past to me

"Do you know why our house is so well-kept? It's because although my father is long gone, she's still afraid of something going wrong. She's obsessed with being perfect, even when there is no one there to witness it"

Hyungwon ranked his fingers through his hair

"Sometimes it's suffocating. I can't stand it"

That explained why he was so reluctant to enter his house that night when I drove him home from Yunho's party

Hyungwon stared straight ahead. From the angle that I watched him, I could see a little bit of his eyes. He wasn't hiding his emotions anymore, and this time, the feelings in his eyes were raw. He was so vulnerable in that moment, and he displayed his vulnerability to me

"You don't have to be something unattainable. Perfection is not real, it's merely concept. Can you name anything in the world that is perfect? No matter what, people will manage to detect flaws."

I whispered

"and that's why nobody can ever be perfect. But you're so damn close to it"

A gust of wind tousled Hyungwon's dark hair as he lowered his gaze from the stars and directed them onto the distant building below

"You don't know what you're talking about. How could perfection not be real? All my life I've been striving to achieve it"

"Just accept it, Hyungwon. Nobody can ever be perfect"

"No!" he yelled "You're lying"

I wasn't prepared for that outburst, so u stumbled back. Hyungwon was staring at me indignantly, with a medley of confusion,anger,and disbelief in his eyes

"How could-how could perfection not be real?" he whispered to himself

"Hey, it's okay. You don't have to perfect. You never have"

I moved towards him and he didn't draw back when I placed my hands in his shoulders. Slowly, gently, I brought him into an embrace. He fell against me, exhausted

"It's just so tiring, you know? Trying to achieve something that you never could"

"Yeah" I said "I know"

And I did know, because deep down. We all craved perfection

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