Drowning In Love || EXO Tao

[5] Nobody

CHAPTER FIVE_

Nobody

Three days later and I was finally back to how I was supposed to be: a nobody. Not Tao's "friend", not Seollie. Just regular college girl Han Seol living her uninteresting college life.

Well, Tao did attempt to talk to me. He texted, chatted, even tried to call or video call; and when in campus he always tried to ambush me in places he knew I normally go to. However, I never looked at him, never responded when he called my name, even when he begged with that irresistible tone that he knew worked on me. Well, used to.  I learned to avoid him better and took routes I never took before, and I learned how to spot him first so I could divert my way or turn back around before he spots me. Eventually, he seemed to finally understand that I wouldn't talk to him any soon and stopped trying, opting to just watch me pass by whenever we were in the same space.

I still received texts from him every now and then though, asking if I'd eaten, asking how I'm doing, asking for a chance to talk to me. I never replied, but couldn't bring myself to block him yet. Although I was ignoring him, blocking him felt like a final decision; like I've decided to completely erase him from my life.

Maybe someday I'll get to that point. I guess we can say it's still a work in progress.

Towards the end of the last period, I glanced by the window where the University gates could be seen, and I saw Tao and his group leaving the premises. During the past two days Tao had always stood there at this time of the day and waited until I passed by, hoping that I'll talk to him when out of school in which of course, I didn't. However, today seems different. I guess he already gave up.

I felt a pang of dismay when I realized that, but I quickly shook it off my head as soon as it came. I convinced myself that it was a good thing. At least I wouldn't have to worry about bumping into him on my way home anymore.

Once the professor left the room indicating the end of classes, the students started heading out the door, all eager to get home and wrap up their day. Amongst the flock of students and the buzz of chatters, I felt Amber cautiously walking behind me, but I ignored it. I had been trying my very best to act like how I normally was--and to be honest I think I was pretty good at it--but for some reason Amber was still uncomfortable and didn't know how to act around me like I was another person.

"This is unhealthy, you know." Amber quickly commented as soon as we got out of the room, like she'd been holding back for so long to say it. "You can't just move on by pretending that Tao never existed in your life."

"I don't know what you're talking about," I blatantly lied, in which she just sighed in exasperation.

"Do you really think I don't notice? Girl, I've been your friend for two years. At this point I know when you breathe differently."

"Has it been two years already? When would be our third friendsversary?" I answered nonchalantly.

"Don't try to change the topic," she pointed an accusing finger at me. "Han Seol, you two need to talk."

I just answered with silence.

I know that.

My own voice answered in my head. Yes, I knew that Tao and I needed to talk, but I can't. Or at least, I can't yet. 

Whenever I see him, it still hurts. My heart still aches like a fresh cut wound and seeing him only seems to makes it worse rather than heal. It makes me feel like I'm choking over my own breath, making me remember every bittersweet memory, coaxing me to break down into a mess once again. What more if I face him in a conversation? Definitely not a good idea.