What Makes A Hero

5

(An: warning for suicidal/ self-harm thoughts)

     Izuku woke to the loud blaring of the alarm feeling as if  he had never gone to sleep to begin with or perhaps as if he had slept with banging and crashing next to his ear the whole night. Whatever the case, he woke to his head stuffed full of metaphorical cotton, his blankets were pulled over him, but crinkled and messed up as if he had been tossing and turning for the whole night. With some effort he pushed himself up and trudged away to brush the foul chalky taste from his mouth.

He couldn't remember the nightmare in too much detail, but he always felt the heavy pressure of exhaustion, the dazed feeling, and dry mouth after a particularly bad nightmare. He knew how they tended to go well enough anyway, if he didn't remember that was just one less remix of the same insults that had haunted his waking and sleeping hours for most of his life. Distantly he hoped he hadn't made any noise and woken Nox up with his trivial nightmares.

He glanced over at the chest of drawers before deciding he didn't have the energy to deal with it yet. He practically dragged himself down the hall and to the kitchen before once more neglecting his morning ritual. Not bothering to do more than shut the refrigerator door again he collapsed down on the couch.

Useless Deku, who do you think you are?!

Can't even take care of yourself.

Quirkless nobody.

Trash.

He could already tell it was going to be a long day, the triumphs of what was just yesterday seemed miles away and the happiness that accompanied it completely unreachable. His hands itched to go track down the sixth kitchen knife- Nox had never seen fit to return it to the drawer with the others- it was the sharpest with the smoothest blade. Surely Nox wouldn't notice from wherever it had been hidden away that Izuku had taken it or at least that it had been used again. He itched to seek out the rubber band that had at one point been attached to the files Nox occasionally brought home. To wrap it around his arm and watch as it went blue and purple. As it stung with prickly numbness. Going red where the rubber snapped harshly back to when he plucked at it. What he really wanted would be for that numbness to spread over his entirety, but he couldn't do that.  He wou- He deserved it. He was just wasting everyone's time and would never amount to anything.

Useless. Better off dead. Deku.

Wasting the teacher's time. Nox's time. The townspeople's time. Wasting the air he breathed, the space he took up, the clothes he wore, because what could he do with his life anyway? Nothing. He was quirkless.

Oh look, he's finally catching on, about time! And you always act like you're so much smarter! So much better! Who are you kidding you piece of garbage Deku!

Idiot.

         Brat.

Air head.

Dirt.

No, no he wasn't. He was no-

Just die already.

Izuku pushed himself up, not sure even in his own mind where he was going, what he was doing. He just knew whatever it was would be better than listening for even one more sec-

Briiiiiinnnggg~!

     He startled at the sharp trill of the alarm announcing his first class, he only had two that day, back to back with each other.