indigo | moxiety | sanders sides [ONGOING !!!]

05. virgil

I walked cautiously up to the door of the room Roman had told me to go to. It was in a different building, as they weren't allowed to have band practice in the dorms. I waited anxiously at the door, waiting for Roman to let me in. Except, when the door opened, I was met with someone I'd never met before. He was tall (although that doesn't mean much from me), composed, and he wore glasses with thick square frames. A light sprinkle of freckles dotted his nose.

"Who are you?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm- uh- Sorry, I'm- Is this the right place for band practice?" I stuttered. The man looked me over and readjusted his blue tie.

"Yes, but that doesn't answer my question. Who are you? What are you doing here?"

I distantly heard Roman crying out for the tall man to wait a moment. A few moments later, he showed up at the door with a guitar on a strap over one of his shoulders. He smiled at me warmly, and I relaxed slightly at the familiar face.

"Virgil! You came, good. Come on in." Roman stepped away from the door, letting me inside. "I'm so sorry about the interrogation, this guy over here hates it when practice is interrupted."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt-" I began.

"Don't worry about it, you weren't really interrupting, you were joining us." Roman leafed his hand through the other boy's (who I now discovered was shorter still than Roman despite looking tall to me- however, Roman is obscenely tall, so that is understandable, I guess) hair. "Come on now, apologize to him," Roman said to him. He groaned and swatted Roman's hand away, face a light pink color.

He looked at me and rolled his eyes. "Sorry for interrogating you, but we have a strict schedule and we can only practice so often, so I don't like distractions. Especially now, when we're preparing for a performance."

"It's not a problem, I just got a little spooked- I don't tend to deal with that kind of thing very well," I explained. He nodded.

"I'll keep that in mind."

"Anyway, I don't believe you two have met yet!" I shook my head, and Roman clapped his hands excitedly. "Great! This is my boyfriend, Logan. Lo, this is Virgil. He's Pat's roommate."

Logan stuck out his arm for a handshake. I took it. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Virgil."

"Same to you. You seem pretty cool."

"Well, actually, my body temperature is 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit, so it would be more appropriate to say that I am actually quite hot."

"Fuck yeah you are, Baby," Roman flirted shamelessly, making goo goo eyes at him.

"Oh hush now, Dear," Logan said dismissively, although his face burned a bright red.

"Dear gods, you guys are so gay," I said, smiling.

"No you," Roman teased, sticking his tongue out at me. I paused for a moment.

Am I gay?

The thought had never even occurred to me. I mean, I had never really felt much towards girls- but I thought that was just a dysphoria thing? Thinking back, I didn't remember ever having feelings for a female. But then, when I thought of the guys I had known... But I just wanted to look like them, I didn't like them, right? Another dysphoria thing. But- was there a possibility that I was gay? That opened up a whole new world of worries for me... How would people react when they found out that I was gay and trans? Would people just think that I was a straight girl who was pretending? Would I think that? The last thing I needed was another reason to feel internalized transphobia...

"Well," Logan said, pulling me back to reality. "We should focus on practicing now. Virgil, what are you playing?"

"I'm playing the strings. That is to say, vocal cords. I sing." I was glad he had snapped me out of that, I didn't want to have another panic attack with my binder on, especially with one person I had just met and Roman, who wasn't super well known as the gentle caring type.

Logan nodded. "Wonderful. Well then, I guess you should start getting warmed up."

...

"Pat, I'm back," I called out as I walked back into the dorm. I didn't get a response. "Pat?" I placed the sheet music Roman had given me down on my bedside table and went to go look for Patton.

While looking, I walked through the kitchenette. Something on the table caught my eye. It was a plate with a towel over it, and a small piece of paper on top of the towel. I took the towel off to reveal that the plate was full of food. I looked at the paper. It was a note.

My heart just about exploded with affection at his concern. I sat down at the table with a fork and took a huge bite. I almost spat it out. It was awful. I chuckled to myself. He did warn me, after all. I ate the whole thing anyway, I didn't want his hard work to go to waste. However, I decided right then and there that I would be doing the cooking from then on. I finished, washed the plate, set it aside to dry, and sat down on my bed to do some of my schoolwork.

Soon, the door opened, and Patton stepped inside. I looked up from my laptop and smiled at him. He smiled brightly, eyes squinting, and gave me a tiny wave while setting his bag down on the floor. I blushed a little.

Aww, he's so cute...

...wait a second, that's gay.

I took a moment to thin that over, before...

"Oh shit I think I might be gay."

Patton snorted from the other side of the room. "What?"

"Oh shit oh fuck I didn't't mean to say that out loud," I said quickly. "I hope that's not a problem- oh jeez..."

"Hey, relax, it's fine. I don't have a problem with that in the slightest," Patton said sweetly. I smiled at him gratefully, acknowledging once again that I had gotten the most accepting and supportive roommate possible.

"Thank you," I sighed. "Sorry, that was pretty out of nowhere."

"Of course! I'm here for you. And don't worry about that, you're fine," Patton smiled once more. "So anyway, how was the dinner I made you?"

I smiled to myself playfully. "Well..."