If Only

Chapter 10: I'm So Pathetic

I am so sorry for the delayed update, not gonna lie I completely forgot, things have been really hectic for me. I hope you all enjoy this chapter!

I have been locked away in my room for a week now, I refuse to leave, eat and I can't sleep. Every time I do I wake up sweaty and panting from a nightmare. I told my mum what happened, not the part about the gang only the part about Leo hitting me. I am grounded for sneaking out but my mum seems to be very worried about me. Grace has come to visit me a couple of times trying to encourage me to come back to school which my answer has stayed the same. She knows exactly what my mum knows no more no less.

I decided that I would report Leo not only for the abuse but the treats about making me be with him. If i'm being honest i am scared to leave the house because of him. I blocked his and Oli's number. I do not want to get involved in their business, I need to think of myself here.

At the moment I am lying in bed thinking about what to do next, should i go to school? Should I just go for a walk? I don't know anymore. I feel numb, I can't get up or move without breaking down and crying. I don't know why i'm so upset. What I do know is that starting Monday I am going to visit a psychologist, not by will.

There was a knock at the door.

"Come in!" I yell as loud as my croaky voice would let me.

"Hey Isla can we talk?" It was my dad.

"Yeah." I don't have the effort or energy to fight with him at the moment and I kinda want to mend our relationship. I really have missed my dad. So much. I don't know what changed my mind, maybe it was that fact that he was trying.

"I just want to know if you're ok, you haven't come out of your room in days." He has a worried look on his face. Maybe he does care.

"Not really, dad, I'm scared to leave this house, Leo could be anywhere." I tell him honestly.

"There are police after him i don't think he would be dumb enough to show his face." He tries to reassure me but it doesn't work because I know how dangerous he is.

"Yeah." I don't know what to do. I can't talk to Oli about it because he is just as dangerous. I don't know why the universe is being such a son of a bench. Yes, I have been binge watching The Good Place on Netflix.

"I love you Isla and I don't know what to do to make you forgive me for what i've done but i need you to know that i will never stop fighting for your forgiveness." It does feel good to hear that but i don't know how i will forgive him. He has lost my trust and if I'm honest i don't even know what he can do.

"I'm going to leave you to do whatever you were doing before, I love you." He gets up and leaves.

I wasn't doing anything before so i have no idea what to do now. I can't get this one person out of my mind, yep you guessed it, Oliver James. I need to know more about him, about his lifestyle, about what kind of stuff he's into.

I grab my Mac out and I type into google Oliver James leader of biggest gang in Australia.

Nothing came up about Oli, but things gang activity did. I decided to read more about it, I know that it's a bad idea but I couldn't help myself. The things they said about these people were horrible, they are nothing like Oli, at least what I know of him. Maybe this isn't him. I found this article on the murder of a new born child and mother, they believe its related to gang activity as the father of the child had been caught selling drugs. Could Oli have done this?

Holy moly, this is so not what I know of Oli, I don't know what to do, should I confront him and ask about it? Would he kill me because I know too much? Ugh.