If Only

Chapter Two: Oliver James

It's been a week since my nightmares have come back, it's always the same. I wake up every night screaming in sweats and terrified to move. I can sense that my mum is getting worried, I am too. I was hoping that they would never come back.

I make my way down the stairs into the kitchen after yet another restless night, the bags under my eyes are getting very noticeable, I feel like shit. I don't understand why my nightmares have come back, what triggered them? I sit down on one of the stools at the island bench watching my mum cook breakfast.

"Morning," I greet my mum politely.

"Morning honey, did you get any sleep?"

"Not really" I won't elaborate.

"Well, Damien and I were thinking after we go and buy your school uniform today we could find you a specialist to help with you night terrors." There she goes again, calling them night terrors, that's an actual disorder, I don't believe that I actually have a disorder, the doctor may have diagnosed me with it but I don't believe it. Some would say that I'm in denial, I say I'm a realist.

"Mum, I really don't think that it's necessary, they aren't night terrors, just bad dreams that will soon pass." I protest.

"Last time you had them we got help and it worked, what's the problem now?" Mother gives me a sceptical look as she pours me a cup of coffee.

"It's different now, they will go away soon, I know it," I assure her hoping that she can get the hint and leave this topic alone.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, certain"

"Ok after breakfast go get ready and we can head into the city to buy your school uniform."

"Ok" My mum serves me up some porridge and toast, I haven't had porridge in years. I scoop some up in my spoon, give it a big blow and eat it. Mmmm, I can taste the honey.

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"How can I help you?" One of the ladies that worked at Lowes asked. She was petite with fiery orange hair, for some reason I had always wanted to have orange hair like hers.

"We're looking for the girl's senior school uniform for Stordfill High" My mother informs her.

"Right this way miss." her voice thick with enthusiasm, she seemed way too nice for her own good. Life will crush her. "They have a great music program."

"Yeah, my little angel here has a beautiful voice," Leanne braggs to her.

"Mum!" I give her a death glare, she knows that I don't sing anymore and not to bring it up. She just brushes the look off and continues to follow the really nice lady.

"That's wonderful. Here they are if you need anything else just let me know," with that she left us alone.

"You'd be a size twelve right?" Mum asks as she searches through the sizes trying to find the right one.

"Yeah." Is all I say.

It took us about ten minutes to find the size that fits me, the uniform isn't as bad as I thought. It's a white top with the school logo embroidered on the right breast, with a pleated navy blue and red high waisted skirt. We bought it and was on our way.

"Is it ok if I stay and have a look around?" I don't really want to go home just yet.

"Yeah sure, we can buy you some new bras, or a new outfit or something." Mum squeals with excitement. I think she got the wrong message.

"I meant by myself." I hope I wasn't too harsh, I really do love her and her company, I just really need to be alone right now. I don't know why but it's just a feeling I get, where I don't want to be around anyone.