One Last Time

Part 4

Keith partially regretted agreeing to look through the Blade's logs. He guess that they'd be long but he didn't think they'd be this long. He was certain that if he despised this, then Lance probably did too. Keith casually glanced over at Lance.

At first, Lance was eager to help. When they saw how much work they had, he became noticeably less eager but still willing to help. Now, he looked half asleep. 

Keith grinned to himself. Lance rested his right arm on the table and placed his face in the crook of his arm, messing up his hair slightly in the process. He looked adorable, er, adorably drowsy, uh, drowsy. Drowsy was the word he was looking for.  

 He tore his eyes off Lance and focused on the logs again. Keith frowned as he read information on several planets, trying to guess if any of them really were what they were looking for. 

"Hey Keith?"

"Hm?" Keith looked back at Lance, who was resting his head on his arm. Lance straightened up.

"Do you ever wonder . . . if we could've saved Allura?"

Keith's heart dropped a little. He was hoping to avoid talking to Lance about Allura not only because of her loss but Keith had always been kind of jealous of her. 

What was he talking about? Why would he be jealous of her? He just wanted to be a good friend and team mate to Lance. 

Keith replied, "Yeah. She didn't deserve this."

"I wonder if I had just taken the Blue Lion back from her, she wouldn't have had to do this." Lance stared at his hands, his voice cracking slightly. "Could I have prevented her death Keith? Why am I so useless?"

"Lance," he assured him. "It's not your fault. You didn't know that this was going to happen. None of us did. Not letting her pilot the Blue Lion wouldn't have done anything. She'd still try to sacrifice herself for the universe."

Keith paused.

"And, Lance, you're not useless. You've saved my life countless times. You've always got my back. You know who you are and what you have to offer, Sharpshooter."

The nickname made Lance smile. "I knew it'd catch on."

Lance's smile vanished as soon as it appeared.

"I just want to be useful. I want to be needed."

Keith had to resist the urge to give Lance a protective hug. Typically, the thought of having to hug someone made his skin crawl and his stomach uneasy but he welcomed the thought of hugging Lance. Keith wondered what Lance would smell like. After the few times Hunk had scooped him into a bear hug, he had mentally noted Hunk smelled of warm, cinnamon cookies. Keith immediately realized how creepy those thoughts were and grimaced internally.

When had he become so obsessed over Lance, his friend and fellow Paladin?

"Lance," Keith rested a hand on his shoulder. "You are useful. Maybe you can't tell but I need you."

He tried to cover up his mistake by adding, "The team needs you."

Keith scolded himself internally. Of course, he just had to slip up and nearly let Lance realize his feelings. No, he didn't have those feelings, Keith reminded himself weakly, trying to pretend he didn't hear the obvious lie. 

But, to be honest, Keith really did need Lance. When he had to step up and be the leader Shiro wanted him to be, Lance was there for him, supporting him, advising him, helping him. Lance always had his back. His jokes and light hearted teasing were endea- comforting. Not only that, but his gorgeous blue eyes were soothing, framed by his dark hazel hair and contrasting with warm, sunkissed skin, making him too attractive for Keith to handle. 

Keith blinked hard and chided himself. If he thought those things out loud, their friendship would be utterly ruined. 

He studied Lance's face, unaware that Lance was doing the same to Keith. 

Keith forced himself to at least get out, "Lance . . . after all that we've been through together, I could never live without you."

Smiling, he replied, "Thank you, Keith."

His thank you cut through the screaming mess inside Keith as he panicked, wondering if he came off as gay rather than genuine-friend-who-only-wanted-the-best-for-him. Normally, Keith wouldn't have cared but his feelings for Lance were only getting stronger, along with his extreme fear of being rejected by him. 

"Anytime Lance," Keith offered him a smile in return. 

Lance turned back to the logs and groaned, banging his head down on the table. "This. Is. So. Boring."

"You were so eager to help before we started looking at the logs," he covered his mouth with a hand to hide his grin and bit down on his lip to prevent him from laughing. 

Lance rolled his eyes. "These logs are booooooooring."

Keith shook his head and grinned. Removing the hand from his mouth, he glanced back the planet he had been looking at earlier. 

"Hmm, planet X," he said aloud. "Lance, I need your thoughts on this."

He looked up. "Sure."

Keith displayed a holographic map of the XXXX quadrant. He zoomed in on planet X.

"See this planet?" He gestured to planet X.

Lance nodded. 

"That's planet X. According to the logs, it's small and difficult to reach with long range scanners. It doesn't get much light per decaphoeb so the planet doesn't have any forms of life. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Errr," Lance looked away and blushed profusely.

He blinked. "What? I was trying to ask if you thought this is where the transmission came from."

"Oh," he looked back at Keith. "Yeah, that makes sense. I just . . . thought of something else."

Keith wasn't entirely sure what that statement was supposed to be. Judging by the way Lance reacted, it probably had something to do with Allura. Keith found himself thinking how unfair it was that Lance was still head over heels for her when he had been in love with him since they fought Sendak together. He immediately chastised himself and cleared his throat slightly.

"Alright, let's tell the others."