My secret companions

Enter Fear

It was like any other day. Except it was the beginning of the rest of my life. Now, I know everyone says that eventually, especially to comfort themselves for the loss of time or waste of abilities better spent on other activities. For me, truer words had never been spoken and from that day onwards my life would be accompanied by someone rather unexpected. This is how it started; out of the blue, heartbreaking and nerve wrecking.

I always liked to practice sports and other physical activities like dancing but one day, while doing one of these activities, I suffered an accident in my neck that left me unable to sustain the weight of my head properly and gave me headaches, dizziness and was starting to develop anguish. I didn't know what it was at first always feeling a bit sleepy before starting to see black and trying to get a grip on myself before fainting.

When I really got aware of this I decided to take things easy. To relax, I sought the aid of a specialist of every corner of the medicine world with little success. So it was when I went to spend a small session in a place that cleansed your aura and reiki by means of stones.

I lied on the floor with my eyes closed and started to feel the energy of the stones, or whatever I was supposed to feel, since my believes in this method were not very solid, to say the least. It was well into half an hour of relaxation and entering a stage of concious dreaming. My hands were still feeling the stones intended to channel energy through my body as all my worries flowed through my mind, troubles, pains and most of all: fear.

Mind; all blank. Body; completely rested and amidst the tranquility of the moment I remember hearing a distinct voice that called out to me. 'Hello?' I was obviously startled but it wasn't enought to break the trance. "hello, who are you? and what are you doing here?" a soothing voice asked that echoed in my mind. "Nothing, it's just me" I answered, trying to make sense of it all. After a small moment of silence, a light flashed and I was standing on the top branch of an incredibly tall pine tree. A pine that streched to the sky but had absolutely no leaves whatsoever. On one of those branches was a small woman standing with a tranquil face looking straight at me. Upon a closer look, she was wearing something like a long-sleeved, turtle-neck body suit only it was completely black with some white squares on the front. Her face was frail and very white, as if powedered with a heavy white base. On her head she had a velvet hat with three points that looked like knife edges.

At first I didn't know if to approach or not, but my insticts told me it wasn't a threatening creature or that it would do me harm. From her lips the same words came out. "Hello".
"Hello" I said back and she smiled slightly. "Who are you?" I asked immediately like trying to understand what was happening. With a gentle look she said "it's me, Fear" I was astonished "you're fear? My fear and the fear I've been feeling?"

"I'm fear and you're feeling my presence ever since the accident" When I heard this I got very sad and asked with shaking voice "Why are you doing this to me? Don't you see I'm suffering? I feel scared, I can't think and my body feels like trembling all the time"

"Don't hate me, I'm the one doing that but you have to understant that fear, that is, me, I'm not evil or my intentions are just out to cause you pain". I looked on like asking for an explanation. "I'm just me, I'm a part of what makes you, you and you have to understant that FEAR is a tool for survival. I make you hate death and escape it. I make you check yourself and be right about many things". At that point I realized that it wasn't just fear I was feeling; fear was aiding me in my search for a cure and kept me from thinking about something else.

"Visit me whenever you feel like it now that you know me, you can know my intentions and purpose" she said in a calm voice.

"I'm glad we had this talk, I know I need you but too much can make one go crazy" I, speaking from experience.

With a cute smile the woman aknowledged. I still can't believe it was fear in the flesh, so to speak. I was half expecting a tentacled monster with six eyes. "My shape is my own and, like I mentioned before, fear itself doesn't have to be scary. One can't be afraid of fear. I'm just the reaction and never autonomous" said the woman seemingly reading my thoughts.

"Well fear, nice to meet you. I feel better knowing you and how you are for yourself". Still feeling a bit nervous.

"Know me and know I am here. I will always be here to protect you and guide you. That is my role. I AM FEAR".

After that brief encounter with fear as crazy as it may sound. I got more relaxed but never lowered my guard competely knowing that she would be there to guide me in the best possible way and also in the worse possible way cause her caress is helpful but her fix grasp can destroy a person in seconds.