My secret companions

Meaning and Context

After spending a few moments with those two would surely make someone get a bigger picture of what's happening with emotions and how they are intertwined to make a person tic. So late one night, still a bit shaky for my previos encounters with my illness and not wanting much from anything I tried to relax and laid in my bed. Counting backwards was a good way to start and keeping your mind blank would keep you calm and relaxed.

I found myself at the bottom of that tall pine that pierced the cloudless sky. This time I felt as being on the floor, not even the lowest branches. I clearly remembered that I could only find her in the upper branches, or at least, some branches up that tree. With little effort I pictured myself going up the tree and started to feel an uplift. The pine started moving downwards as I was floating past the branches till I laid eyes on the dark figure of the woman twirling a staff wearing a very sharp-edged hat. I landed softly on the branch next to her and she immediately but without looking at me gave a calm "Hello". Good to see you again. It's been a while"

"Hi" I answered but was still not fully confident in talking to her like a dear old friend. Still, "I'm still feeling your pressure" Said I as I tried to start a conversation. "Of course you are" she said almost immediately "I have you firmly held so not to let you go and let you do more harm to yourself". The response was a surprise since I always thought she was causing me more pain than the accident itself. At least with an illness you can do other stuff; walk if it's not related to locomotion; use your hands if you're stuck in a bed or at least play a video game; but when your mind is a stray it's impossible to concentrate on one thing.

"I would like you to be still, relax, be calm and recuperate. You need to be alert that you are not well and on doing so you are putting many things into view". She changed position sitting down on one of the branches. "I am not evil, not here to do you harm and my grasp may feel uncomfortable..." "Uncomfortable?" I asked, surprised. "It has made people kill themselves" "Yes it has, but you're much stonger than that and it is only when Fear, I, do no more good that that happens". I looked at her with new eyes and said "you are very clever, you have a way to make me feel comfort" like struck by a stone she opened her eyes "it's funny that you mention I should make you feel other thins since I'm designed for only one in the long run. "To make people scared" I interrupted. "To protect people" She quickly corrected me with a fixed stare. "I'm scared of being scared" I said with a small lament. "Try to organize your life. Put your priorities in order and feel the comfort of comfort itself. Be yourself and be happy about it. Only then will you not need me to hold you anymore". She looked at me with a pair of deep black eyes. "Fear, is repressed rage".

"I am very pleased and I thank you deeply for the advice you give me every time" I said. "Sure, I like talking and sharing. There is hardly anyone else here at any given time. Two emotions seldom share a moment".

She then gave an ample smile and turned away to look into the distance.

I woke up much more comforted and accompanied. Somehow knowing I wasn't alone during that moment makes one feel better, even in the company of Fear.