My secret companions

Gripping

It had been a while since I got in touch with any of them until I started having feelings of fear and anxiety once again. Great news were coming my way and winds of change were blowing in every direction. My life as a hectic mess was gaining on me and I sorely needed a grip on reality. I felt more afraid, anxious and nervous to a point where I could not think straight and was aiding my serenity with some drugs, don't get me wrong, legal ones that make you sleepy but they also make you clumsy and I really hated not being in control of my body.

One night, as I fell asleep, I took a few deep breaths and entered the realm in-between dreams to visit an old pine tree that extended towards the sky farther than the eye could see. Feeling weightless, I started to ascend but I was stopped cold by a woman wearing dark clothes who called my attention with a deep-end voice; it was Fear who was sitting alone on the lower branches. "Just the one I wanted to talk to" I said. "I know, I'm always here". I sat down next to her trying to be comfortable and not lose my balance. She was looking at the empty horizon; a dark blue and greenish expanse surrounding everything, her gaze seemed fixed on something, her hands held the branch where she was sitting tightly and dangled her feet in the air. "Why do have such a tight grip on me again? I can't sleep, eat or work properly cause I'm scared all the time". "Scared of what?", she came back curiously. I thought long and hard and couldn't come up with an answer. "I don't know. I only know that I'm scared ...of things comming". "You're scared because you don't know how you're going to handle your life from now on. You are afraid of NOT KNOWING rather than knowing and your mind is filling in the blanks with sad endings", said she in a confident voice. "So you know more than me? I'm scared! What more can I say" I answered, looking for some sympathy.

She turned to look at me with round, deep, black eyes and slowly moved her hand closer to me. Her ivory skin was rugged and showed some veins around the back of her hand. Long black nails shined at the end of her fingers. With a sudden move she clenched my forearm and a jolt of fear ran up my spine. "I'm scared" I said again. "I know" she said, "and you are going to continue being scared until you're strong enough for it is until you defeat this fear that you will be stronger...stronger to be a man, stronger to be a professional and face life". I looked at her and held her hand. "And what if this is too much for me". She blinked slowly then said "there is nothing that the body cannot cope with. The key word is to ACCEPT what you have. You don't have to like it, but you have to accept it's here and deal with it. It will make you a greater person in the end". "You start to sound like Confusion" I said trying to be funny. "We are all very finely intertwined" she answered with the same fixed expression. "And never forget, Fear; I, am here to protect you and never to hurt you even though it's not a pleasant sensation". She couldn't be more right. Still, I'm thankful for this fear for I know I will emerge stronger and with a new perspective of life.

I understood then that fear doesn't come for nothing. And just like that the tall pine tree disapeared and I fell completely asleep.