To The Moon And Never Back ⁶

07 - Christian Kovačević

I pulled my phone out of my pocket. It had dinged on my way here, and I was hoping Bentlee had replied after all.

Do you go to Grungewood High?

My fingers shook as I struggled to type my next response.

Yeah. I started there like two months ago.

Someone's phone beeped, and it wasn't mine.

Destiny and I were seated on her porch back to back. She pulled out her phone.

"Why are you texting me when you can just talk?" She reached back and took my phone from my shaky hands and set it on the grass.

"Why did you say your name was Bentlee?" I asked.

"I don't give unknown numbers my name up front. Just in case they're a threat to my existence. But Bentlee is my middle name, so I didn't technically lie." I felt her shrug.

"It's a beautiful name," I breathed. "What does it mean?"

"Bent grass meadow." She snorted a laugh. "Sorry, that was inappropriate. I just don't get why it has such an awful meaning."

"It's not that bad. Not that my middle name has a bad meaning." I ran a hand through my hair. "It's actually very Christian."

"Mind telling me what it is?"

"Elias." My lips curved. "It means Jehovah is God. Like I said; very Christian."

She let out a laugh. "Kind of like your first name."

"So, I overheard Auden earlier. He said something about you wanting to off yourself," I said, changing the subject. "It's fine if you don't want to talk about it."

She let out a sigh. "I just wanted to see my sister and apologize. She drowned about two months back."

"Sorry, harsh subject."

"It's kind of touchy, but I actually want to talk about it. Auden is busy with his life and he already does so much for me, but he barely has time to listen."

"He saved you today, didn't he?"

"I guess you could say that. Though I'd rather be gone, it's not so bad being alive."

I turned my attention to the inky black sky. The moon wasn't full, but it didn't matter - it was beautiful nonetheless.

"Are you an insomniac?" I squeaked out.

"Yeah!" she replied cheerily. "Okay, that was too happy. I am unable to fall asleep, though I have a terminal disease that makes me unconscious from time to time. When I fade, that's when I sleep."

"So you're kind of like me in a way," I said. "Sorry if that offends you. I'm not the most likeable person in the world."

"No, don't say that. You're perfect in your awkward little way. Believe it or not, I think you're kind of cute."

"Thanks for the compliment."

"I was diagnosed with PTSD after the death of my sister." I felt her body relax, like she was actually getting comfortable with me.

Mind blowing. I'm actually talking to a girl.

"So you're the one everyone was talking about at school yesterday."

"Yes, and if I'm being honest, I don't care. They can say whatever they want, but the thing is, I didn't kill Daphne. I blame myself, but other people don't get to blame me."

"You're right about that," I paused. "I'm anaemic."

"No wonder you're so pale!" she exclaimed. "Sorry. I didn't mean that."

"And I almost never have an appetite, so I don't eat. It pisses my mom off so much that I'm helping the disease get worse. At this rate, I'll end up dying sooner than I'm supposed to."

"We can die together. I didn't have anything yesterday."

"That's oddly comforting." I found her hand and held it tightly. "What are your fears?"

She heaved a sigh. "My greatest fear is that I'll never get to see what the world looks like."

"You're blind? But you were texting, and reading, and-," she cut me off.

"I'm colour blind. Just that. No partial or full blindness. I don't want that. I've got enough problems already." She squeezed my hand. "What are your fears?"

"I fear that I may never recover in time. I was a victim of child abuse and that's the reason I practiced self harm." Tears stung at my eyes as I recalled the faint memories. "I want to be mentally okay. Even if it's just for a day."

"You'll get there. You have me."

_