Things that belong together

About waiting and hope...

Just for the beginning, I really appreciate that this story has 30 reads, even though that's not that much. But I'm happy about everyone who reads this and hopefully likes it. So thank you. Anf if you like the story then I'd be so happy about a vote or a little comment, just to encourage me :) Stay save!

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"Oh darling, you look horrible..."

Horrible. A nice word. Has a smooth sound and looks kinda funny. And it described Ant perfectly. Yeah, he looked horrible, he could imagine that, with his blotchy face, red rimmed eyes and about two hours of sleep. Moreover, he felt horrible. Like somebody had violently ripped out a part of his heart and replaced it with barbed wire. Like something was sitting on his chest, squeezing his lungs, pressing every positive feeling and emotion out of his body and leaving the bad ones. Horrible. A nice word, a perfect fit for this whole situation. Horrible.

Ant needed another two seconds to get fully conscious again, but when he finally was, he started to panic. When he had woken up, his hand had loosen grip of Dec's and now he looked around hectically to find if Dec was still in the bed next to him. "Dec! Where - is he-?" Anne-Marie placed a gentle hand on her boyfriend's shoulder. "Shh, calm down, Dec's here and he's alright.

Alright. Well, that wasn't clearly true. But Dec was still alive, breathing, even though only thanks to the machines he was connected to. But Ant remembered the words of the nurse yesterday: If he survives the night it's looking a bit better for him. And now he had survived the night. Ant used the chance to inspect Dec's face in the daylight that came in through the room's window. But the light didn't really change Dec's appearance. He still looked unbelivabely pale and the shadows under his eyes seemed even darker. The movement of his chest whilst breathing was only marginal and barely even visible. Ant's heart clenched when he though of how Dec's usual self was: funny, cheeky, childish and happy. He would joke and laugh, he would even be in a good mood after hours of work. He would tease him, he would tease everyone, would get snappy when somebody got on his nerves. To say it shorter: He would brighten up his day. And now he was lying here, unconscious, alive thanks to machines, fighting alone, so no one could do anything.

Ant closed his eyes. "Oh, Decky. If I could only do something..." Then he jumped because the door opened. Anne-Marie, who had stood behind him all the time, sad but quiet, now made her way over to the door as four people entered. Anne, of course, she had wrapped her arm around a pale, shaking Ali. Ant jumped up immediately and found his arms full of a shaking woman in the next second. "I can't believe this! Just because of his stupid phone...", she exclaimed, face buried in Ant's shoulder. He wanted to say something. He wanted to say, how sorry he was. That he couldn't imagine her pain and that he would do anything to make Dec better. He wanted to apologize, to comfort her, but none of it worked. His throat tightened when he only made the attemp to speak and the lump in it wouldn't let any words pass. So instead, he just held her tight and tried to control his breathing.

Eventually, Ali had collected herself and let go. Now Ant could see the other two persons who had entered the room: Martin and Dermott. "The others couldn't quit work that short-term, they'll come as soon as possible", Anne explained. Ant just nodded and watched as Anne-Marie left the room to give the family their privacy. A part of Ant wanted to let her go, another part wanted her to stay. And a minimal part of him wanted to run after her and leave that hospital room. Instead he stayed, hugged Dec's brothers and let Anne tell him what else had happened yesterday.

"Well, after you fell asleep here"(Ant could feel the smiling eyes of Martin and Dermott on him) "the nurse decided to leave you be because you were so exhausted. And maybe I told her that you wouldn't leave Dec's side anyways." She winked and Ant couldn't help but smile. Anne knew him almost as well as his own mam. "So, we simply left you. Stephen went home right after we were outside, the boy was shattered, I tell you! I made sure to call him a taxi, imagine him driving in his state!" "Imagine him driving in any state", Ant joked half-heartedly. Anne raised an eyebrow but smiled. "Well, the nurse told me something about this internal bleeding he has and how it could be dangerous but that they had done a MRI and so on, I didn't understand everything. But the main point was that they think the blood pressure isn't dangerous and there won't be problems with his brain. That's good", she added at Ant's questioning expression. "She told me once again that if he survives the night everything's looking better and well - I think, he has survived this night and now we have to wait and to hope."

Ant nodded, he felt quite overwhelmed. "I think... I think I'll give you some time and... go outside", he mumbeled. The others nodded, but on his way out, Ant was held back by Dermott. He put something in his hand and pattened his shoulder. Ant walked out the room and the hospital and waited until he stood in the hospital park before he opened his hand. In there lay a rosary. He remembered Derm's connection and faith in God. Ant had never been the one to go to church every Sunday or to believe without a doubt. But when he had been a child, he had sometimes prayed with his mam. She had told him that God was like a friend and you could ask and tell him everything. Even though Ant never had really done that, he remembered it now. He slowly walked towards a bench, held the rosary tight in his fist and closed his eyes. He didn't really know how to start, so he sat there for a while just quiet until he finally stated: "I'm scared. I'm really, really scared. I can't lose him. We... we belong together. I just can't get happy without him, neither can his family. He has a daughter! Isla needs her dad. Ali needs her husband, his mam needs her son, his siblings need their youngest brother! And I... I need my best friend." He opened his eyes and looked at the rosary. It was a nice one, dark brown, it almost looked black. His fingers touched the wooden material lightly and he finished: "Please, Lord, if you are really there: Help him. Please."

With that, Ant stood up and walked inside again. His girlfriend had texted him that she was back home looking for her daughters and that he could stay as long as he wanted to. He had replied with a simple Thanks, love u <3 and hoped that Anne-Marie knew how much he loved her. On his way to Dec's room he saw a doctor walking out of it. He jogged the last steps to catch up to him. "Sir", he said. The man turned around and smiled when he recognized him. "Mr. McPartlin! How can I help you?" Ant bit his lip. Then he nodded towards door number 124. "How is he?" To his surprise, the doctor kept smiling. "As good as he can be. I just had a look on him and he seems to cope with the surgery just well. His vitals aren't in a dangerous state. The internal bleeding is still there and we have to keep an eye on it but I doubt that there will be a damage. I think the signs are good that he'll wake up."

Ant closed his eyes and breathed in relief. "Oh, thank God", he whispered. "How long does it take for him to wake up?", he asked. The doctor chuckled. "That is different from person to person. It'll take the time his body needs to regenerate. He is very weak due to the fact he almost died twice. His heart and lungs have to get used to their normal workload step by step. Minimum is a week, I think. But in the end it's Declan's body who makes that decision." Ant nodded and thanked the man. "Can I go inside?", he asked. The doctor confirmed. "Yes, his family just left, they are grabbing a bite to eat."

Ant entered Dec's room and sat down next to his bed again. "Hiya, Dec. What are you doing all the time, huh? That's something that only happens to you." He chuckled. "The doc told me that you are having a good fight against this injuries. Well, I'm your support, you know that, don't you?" He turned serious again. "You need to be okay again, yeah? I simply can't do this whole thing without you. I am nothing without you. You are the best friend one can ask for. Understanding. Caring. Loving. Helpful. Selfless - too selfless. I remember how you were dead sick and I came to look after you and the first think you said was are you alright? You always want to make people around you smile and you are succesful with that. Simply because you are such a goodhearted, funny person who'd do everything for the ones you love. You stayed with me through everything and... I can't even tell you how much that means to me. How lucky I am that I met you. Where would I be if I hadn't written that christmas card, hm? I think after I'd been written out of Byker Groove I would've given up without you. I'd never dared to do something like singing for the public! Goodness, no. You were the one who encouraged me to everything, who told me that it could be fun. And you were right. You always were right. It's only a day now that you aren't with us - less than a day - but I already miss you like hell. You just... you are such a great friend and I sometimes wonder if I am good enough for you too. Why I deserve a friend like you. I think... we simply belong together, don't we? You have to be okay again, Decky. Please." His eyes fell on the rosary he still held in his hand. He smiled slightly. "I even prayed for you. I've never done this since I was, like, nine years old." He sighed. "I love you, Dec. I love you to bits."

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TBC...