Collaborated Damage

Chapter Sixteen

I'd watch the world burn down before my eyes, before I forget your name.--Decietful Time, bootleg addition, "Your Name"

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In the end, I think that everyone knew I would destroy myself. My teachers warned that smoking was bad and I did it in the restrooms. My friends told me I drank myself to sleep too much. My fans warned me that I was just too reckless. And lovely Helen warned me that I was the end to myself. 

 The welcome sound of people screaming, the smell of sweat, and the delicious heat seeping into my skin. This was a wonderful goodbye. June patted my back before she went to her side of the stage, gripping her guitar a little bit tighter than normal, and smiled. Donald sat with his drums looking less pleased with the world.

The crowd went wild when they saw us all together, once again on the stage, ready to hear some masterpiece that I didn't have to offer. I gripped the microphone in my sweaty palms, gave an awkward smile, and let out everything. 

It came out in screams, moans, grunted singing. It came out in tears, forced laughter, and made me appear insane. The crowd responded with cries of their own, shouting, screaming, filling me with so much adrenaline tears came to my eyes. 

"Loving you was the best form of self destruction." I gasped into the microphone and placed it close to my lips with a low voice. "I'd watch the world burn down before my eyes, before I forget your name."

After that night we were the most talked about people in the nation. Questions flew around about us getting back together, was there going to be more concerts, what happened to them? Rumors spread, I was a in rehab which was kept on the down low, June was pregnant with Donald's child. 

Ant told me she was proud of me. Nate gave me a pat on the back and Jan cried. They all thought I was getting better, but the they new something deep down inside of me was gone. We had a dinner, just Nate and I. He told me how sorry he was.

There wasn't really a reason why he was sorry. He just felt the need to tell me that he felt the pain deep down in my heart. He told me how he wish that world was much kinder to me. How some people never catch a break, how he wished I was one of the lucky ones. 

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A few days after our spontaneous concert, the buzz of us did not die down like we thought it would. It continued to grow until I thought it would swallow me whole. June and Donald loved the feeling, music coursing through their fingers, the crowd cheering them on. I hated it though. 

It was like suffocation. I had enough of that in one life time. For a while I didn't understand why Helen didn't like performing for others. Now I knew. You wanted to be free, you just wanted to let everything out, but they destroyed it with their urges and needs.

Dear Helen,

I thought that if I did it one more time I'd have enough closure to let you rest in peace. I was wrong. I need you. I don't understand why you left. I want to cry. I want to die. 

But I have to say goodbye to you, no matter how bad I don't want to, I need to move on. I won't forget you, but you earned a restful peace. Someday we'll see each other again. Maybe in my dreams or even yours. 

Please don't forget about me. Please.

Blue.