Ash Ketchum was tired of being single.
Don't give him that talk about freedom; he was tired of freedom. Don't tell him he doesn't have to worry about Valentine's Day's hassle; he wanted that hassle. He wanted to waste all his savings on some fancy restaurant for a woman. He wanted a woman to fight with. Is she bossy too? It's fine. She can boss him around. At least he'd find something to do with his life. If she's angry, she can take it out on him too. If this is what it takes to have a girlfriend, he was ready for it. He was literally ready to do ANYTHING to get himself out of the single camp.
"Hey Gary, you forgot to flush – why don't you flush it? Why do you have to call me to flush? Don't you have hands?" Gary scoffed and took a sip of his ginger ale. He sat on the ground.
Ash gave his childhood friend a disgusted look. The raven-haired can't say he's surprised Gary talks like this because he's known this guy since diapers, but why wasn't he flushing the toilet?
"I just ignore May when she starts talking about bullsh*t like that," Drew spoke after he took a long drag of his cigarette.
Ash thought Drew was a romantic, subtle guy; but it turns out he was a fake. He just stopped being like that when he lured May in. Even Ash was fooled by it.
"It's why I'm never moving in with Dawn." Kenny raised his eyebrows. "Why would I want to have my girlfriend with me all the time? I can't stand that. I need space."
Ash couldn't believe Kenny was talking like that about the woman who brought him lunch to the office every day.
Gary started laughing. "Paul isn't even saying anything! He's so done with Zoey!"
Ash and Paul were the only ones who weren't laughing. Paul was staring down at his phone.
He looked up. "F*ck you all. F*ck her. F*ck everyone."
Ash just stared at him. Who would want to be with a guy like Paul anyway? He doesn't care about any of the girls he dates. He could go without calling them for days. He just ignores them until he feels like having sex.
Suddenly, the guys turned to look at Ash who was sitting on the couch.
"If you all start going on about how it's great to be single, you're all getting kicked out of my place." And Ash wasn't even joking. At this point in his life, he was done joking.
"Who would pay for a body swap with Ash right now? Raise your hand, lads!" Gary raised his hand.
Drew raised his hand. Kenny raised his hand and grinned. Paul stared at them for a moment before he did.
Ash made a face. "I would pay not to be me!" He looked at Paul. "You too?"
"Just for a few days, then I'd go back to being myself. You're pathetic but not because you're not dating. I just can't put my finger on it."
Ash moved to sit on the ground and grabbed a ginger ale bottle. "You're all just silly and too spoiled by women."
"Yeah, spoiled!"
"You have nooo idea!"
The conversation was getting dull as they drank through the night. It was soon time for the guys to leave. Right when everyone was walking through the door, Ash pulled Gary by the arm back inside. "You're staying."
"Ash, don't bully me. Please. Not today." Gary groaned. "My head hurts!"
"Dude, you're screwed. Ash seems to be on his period today." As Drew and Kenny laughed at their stupid joke, Paul was waiting for the elevator, damning the world for being stuck driving his drunk friends back home.
Once the elevator door opened, Paul dragged the drunk Drew and the drunk Kenny, pushed them into the elevator, and disappeared inside. "Goodnight, or not."
"Not!" Ash slapped the door shut.
Gary put his hands in front of himself. "I give up. Take it."
Ash took Gary's phone. For a guy who already dated, Gary had a lot of girls on his social media accounts – way too many. And also, for some reason, the fact that he posted pictures of himself and his girlfriend Leaf didn't stop them from messaging him and asking him out.
"Who's this?" He showed him the phone screen.
"That – no, that one is too kinky for you." Gary shook his head slowly.
"Look, I don't care if she's kinky. Give her my phone number." Ash didn't want to question how Gary knew the woman was kinky.
"Okay, fine." Gary held his head with his hand. His head was spinning from the alcohol and he didn't really feel like doing this now. "Look, I'll just spam them. Are you happy now?"
Ash pushed Gary toward the couch. There was no way he was going to make it home in one piece in this drunken state.
Gary landed on his face but didn't move. "Hey Ketchum."
"What?"
"Where am I going to crash at if you're no longer single?"
"You're the least of my worries right now."
